Jack Off

by K.B. Cinder

“Oh, God, listen to me! He’s my father, and I’m talking about him like an inconvenience!” “Don’t be hard on yourself. Caregiving, even if it isn’t total care, is hard work. Not to mention it’s emotionally draining when it’s your parent.” She lets out a shaky sigh. “It wouldn’t be so bad if he just… listened. He’s like a child instead of a seventy-year-old. He refuses to check his blood sugar. Refuses to eat what he’s supposed to. Refuses to wear anything other than those ridiculous shirts. Don’t even get me started on his grooming habits. Washing a cat is easier than brushing that man’s hair.” “It’ll get better, I promise.” I’ve felt the weariness in her eyes. The exhaustion. Fear. No nurse, doctor, or bifold pamphlet can prepare a person for caring for someone they love. For stressing out over getting every detail right. For watching someone you admire turn into a shell of their former self. “You find a rhythm together, and you make it work.” She swipes under each eye, eliminating any tears before they can fall. “Jack made it look like nothing. The shit hit the fan when he left. I’m not cut out for this.” Movement inside catches my eye, and I spy Johnny over her shoulder behind the sliding glass door. He makes devil horns with his fingers that he raises over his daughter’s head, transforming the beauty in front of me into a beast.