What possible role could this debilitating, self-shaming stance have played in preserving our safety? Think of it as harm reduction. When the adult world requires, even if inadvertently, that an infant or child suppress parts of her true self—her own desires, feelings, and preferences—she cannot risk noncompliance lest the indispensable attachment relationship be compromised or threatened. She must develop within herself some sturdy enforcement mechanisms to preempt the anxiety of disappointing, or being cut off from, the caregiver. Guilt is one of the most reliable of these inner
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