The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

by Gabor Maté

When I speak of patriarchy, I mean not the conscious will nor, often, even the conscious awareness of individual men, but a system of power. Although patriarchy is ancient, having arisen with the dawn of civilization, capitalism has comfortably adapted it to its needs—we see that played out in economics, in politics, in all institutions of this society, as in the home. Men pay a price, too, even as they reap the dubious “benefits” of the system that privileges them. When I reduce my wife to an object whose purpose is to keep me satisfied, what role am I casting myself in? An impotent, dependent child whose emotional welfare hinges on Mommy’s willingness to comply with my perceived needs. This child, in an adult body, struts, remonstrates, sulks, and makes demands on his caregiver. He is never sated, never satisfied. Both partners, in their own ways, are powerless.