The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

by Gabor Maté

Among psychologists there is wide-ranging consensus about what our core needs consist of, some of which we have already explored. These have been variously listed as: belonging, relatedness, or connectedness; autonomy: a sense of control in one’s life; mastery or competence; genuine self-esteem, not dependent on achievement, attainment, acquisition, or valuation by others; trust: a sense of having the personal and social resources needed to sustain one through life; and purpose, meaning, transcendence: knowing oneself as part of something larger than isolated, self-centered concerns, whether that something is overtly spiritual or simply universal/humanistic, or, given our evolutionary origins, Nature. “The statement that the physical and mental life of man, and nature, are interdependent means simply that nature is interdependent with itself, for man is a part of nature.” So wrote a twenty-six-year-old Karl Marx in 1844.[2] None of this tells you anything you don’t already know or intuit. You can check your own experience: What’s it like when each of the above needs is met? What happens in your mind and body when it’s lacking, denied, or withdrawn?