The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

by Gabor Maté

An event is traumatizing, or retraumatizing, only if it renders one diminished, which is to say psychically (or physically) more limited than before in a way that persists. Much in life, including in art and/or social intercourse or politics, may be upsetting, distressing, even very painful without being newly traumatic. That is not to say that old traumatic reactions, having nothing to do with whatever’s going on, cannot be triggered by present-day stresses—see, for example, a certain author arriving home from a speaking gig. That is not the same as being retraumatized, unless over time it leaves us even more constricted than before.

“Guilt is awful,” Sontag said, poignantly—and yes, it is. But there is no culpability where there is no choice. No conceivable condition exists under which a human being has less agency or fewer options than in infancy and early childhood. The imperative to survive overrides everything, and that survival depends on the maintenance of attachment, at whatever cost to authenticity. This is why so many childhoods, particularly in a culture that both breeds stress and feeds on it, are marked by a tense standoff between the two, where the outcome is predictable and the consequences are lifelong.

Thus, what is considered normal and natural are established not by what is good for people, but by what is expected of them, which traits and attitudes serve the maintenance of the culture.

As with most chronic conditions, viewing addiction as a dynamic process to be engaged with rather than a demonic force to be feared or battled can ultimately expand the possibilities for healing.

The gospel of genetic causation shields us from having to confront our hurts, leaving us all the more at their mercy.

Contrary to what I, too, used to believe, a diagnosis like ADHD or depression or bipolar illness explains nothing. No diagnosis ever does. Diagnoses are abstractions, or summaries: sometimes helpful, always incomplete. They are professional shorthand for describing constellations of symptoms a person may report, or of other people’s observations of someone’s behavior patterns, thoughts, and emotions.

We should not underestimate how entrenched and insidious this conviction of unworthiness is, or how difficult it is to dislodge with words. We were almost literally hypnotized into it. In a neural framework, as the biologist Bruce Lipton explains, it’s a matter of brainwaves. Delta waves, the brain’s lowest frequency, predominate in our first two years, then theta waves ramp up until we are about six. “A child under seven is predominantly in theta,” he told me. “Theta is a hypnotic state, and it’s how you absorb all this stuff for seven years. Just as under the spell of a hypnotist, you believe whatever messages you get.”