A distinction must be made between accepting and tolerating. Being with something and putting up with something have precious little to do with each other. Acceptance is vitalizing because it makes room for the other three A’s—it grants admission to anger if such is present, increases our sense of free agency, and makes room for whatever our authentic experience might be. Tolerating the intolerable, on the other hand, is deadening. For example, resigning oneself bleakly to conditions such as abuse or neglect involves rejecting crucial parts of one’s self, needs, and values that deserve to be
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