The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

by Gabor Maté

Making matters more stressful is the alienation imposed by financial hardship. “The relentlessness of modern-day parenting has a powerful motivation: economic anxiety,” the New York Times reported in 2018. “For the first time, it’s as likely as not that American children will be less prosperous than their parents. For parents, giving children the best start in life has come to mean doing everything they can to ensure that their children can climb to a higher class, or at least not fall out of the one they were born into.”[20] The unintended impact of such fearful, status-driven child-rearing is that the child’s irreducible emotional needs fall secondary to the desperation of parents striving to ensure the academic and financial success of their offspring. Recently I was told, by a close eyewitness, of a middle-class mother yelling at her five-year-old son who balked at doing his homework: “You’re not thinking of your academic future!” the poor mom shouted at the preschooler. If only the youngster could have retorted, “Yeah? Well, you’re not thinking of my psycho-emotional future!”