Some examples of familiar stories: Saying no means I can’t handle something. It’s a sign of weakness. I have to be strong. I have to be “good” to deserve being loved. If I say no, I’m not lovable. I’m responsible for how other people feel and what they experience. I mustn’t disappoint anyone. I’m not worthy unless I’m doing something useful. If people knew how I really felt, they wouldn’t like me. If I turned down my friend/spouse/colleague/parent/neighbor, I would feel deservedly guilty.[*] It’s selfish to say no. It’s not loving to have anger.
