Cross Checked Hearts (Wyncote Wolves, #1)

by Cali Melle

“I told you he’s not your friend, baby girl. He wants more from you… You see how well it works when guys try to be friends with you?” Isla chuckles lightly, the smile spreading across her face. “Yeah, but that’s different… it’s you.” She pauses and for a moment I think that maybe she fell asleep. “I don’t want more with him. I’ve only ever wanted more with you.”

As we pull up to a red light, I look back over at her, noticing that she is in fact asleep now. My heart swells as I replay her words in my head. “I’ve only ever wanted more with you.” Me too, baby girl… me too.

While his back is turned to me, I strip out of my pants and toss them onto the floor. Logan glances in the mirror by my bureau, his eyes finding mine as I reach for the bottom hem of my shirt. “What are you up to?” he questions me, his voice low and husky. He slowly turns around to face me, staring at me with a darkened expression and a fire burning in his blue irises. I pull my shirt off and throw it onto the floor. “Getting ready for bed,” I tell him as I scoot closer to the headboard. Logan doesn’t move from where he’s standing across the room. “Can I wear your shirt to sleep in?” I ask him, my voice barely audible. “Like old times…” His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard, but he nods and peels off his sweatshirt as he strides across the room toward me. I watch as it falls to the floor and he reaches behind his head and pulls his t-shirt over his head. He inches closer to the bed, stopping just beside it as he hands me his shirt. I slip it over my head, feeling the warmth of it from his body. The smell of his cologne instantly fills my senses and I smile, feeling like I’m home.

Lifting my head, I prop my chin on his chest and stare up at him as he looks down at me. “What are we doing, Logan?” His eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “I don’t know, baby. Whatever feels right.”

“Can I ask you something?” he says, his warm breath fanning across my face. “Anything,” I answer him honestly, although I’m a little nervous about the alcohol still in my system and the fact that I could have a case of word vomit at any moment right now. He’s silent for a second, his touch gentle as he brushes a stray hair away from my face. “Do you have a thing for Silas?” My eyebrows pinch together as I place my hands on his chest. “No. Why would you ask that?” “I don’t know,” he whispers, shrugging lightly. “I’ve seen the two of you together and I just don’t know… maybe he would be the better choice for you.”

“There’s no choice to be made,” I tell him, softly stroking the sides of his face with my fingertips. “The choice was made for me when I first met you.” Logan chuckles softly, shaking his head. “You’re a crazy girl, you know that?” Crazy for you…

“I fucking love you in my t-shirt,” he murmurs against my lips as he sucks my bottom lip between his teeth. “You’re the most beautiful thing that will ever grace my vision.”

Logan slipped out of my room like nothing happened and I didn’t see him after that. All it took was one moment, one close call with my brother, and I’m back to being Logan’s dirty little secret.

“You need to get your shit together, August.” “Yeah, I know,” he mumbles, taking a drink of the glass of water in front of him before he looks at Logan. “You’re smart for not getting involved with anyone, bro. Seriously, it’s not worth the bullshit that comes with it. I need to be like you and keep my head down and just focus on hockey.”

“You’d be a fucking idiot to get involved with someone right now. We gotta think about our futures—our careers that we’re working toward. The league is the only thing that matters.” Logan nods, but stays silent as he fills his plate with food. I’ve suddenly lost my appetite and want to go crawl back in my bed. I didn’t expect him to come out and tell August about last night, but the way he doesn’t say anything to him confuses me. It’s almost as if he agrees with everything August is saying right now. Hockey has always come first for Logan and I was an idiot to forget that—even if it was only for a night.

And definitely not after the way Isla looked at me this morning. I fucked up, siding with her brother’s bullshit when I should have just came clean. Instead, I chose to cover up my tracks and completely dismissed what happened with Isla before August showed up. She wasn’t happy with me and I should have taken the time to go talk to her before we had to leave, but I chose to give her space instead. I don’t know what the fuck I'm doing here.

Number 15 fucked up when he slashed at Asher and got away with it. I don’t regret a single thing from the fight, because that’s what you do for family, for those that mean the world to you. You go to fucking war for them.

I can feel the tension radiating off Logan as he falls silent, keeping to himself most of the night instead of engaging in the conversation. I don’t miss the way that Camilla gives her son questioning looks throughout our meal. She knows that something is off with him too, but she doesn’t bring it up in front of everyone. I’m the reason why he’s behaving the way he is. If he wouldn’t have just blindly agreed with my brother this morning, things wouldn’t be like this between us.

I’ve let Logan cloud my mind for far too long and even though I don’t want to, maybe I need to just let him go completely. As much as I want to explore more with him, the way he acted this morning left a bad taste in my mouth and I can’t let myself forget about that. If he was so concerned with my brother and their friendship, he would say something to him before he finds out about us. Logan was making no attempt at opening the doors for that conversation, so it only makes sense that he was just using me again like he used to.

I refuse to be anyone’s distraction or dirty secret anymore. It’s time that I stand up for myself and have some self-respect.

I don’t even know how to approach the conversation with her. Do I start with an apology? I know what Isla really wants from me and I can’t give her that. I’m not ready to ruin my friendship with my best friend, even if that means I can’t have her. All of this is completely fucked and it’s fucking with my head every single day.

“What did you want to talk about, Logan?” His eyes search mine. “Are you and Silas a thing?” I’m taken aback by his question, my brow furrowing. “No. Why would you even suggest that?” “I’ve seen the two of you together. You’re always together. And then you left with him today after school.” I stare down at him, my hands still wrapped around his wrists. My heart races in my chest, beating erratically against its cage. “Have you been watching me, Logan?” He shrugs without any shame, probably given his drunken state. “So what if I have been? If I can’t have you, no one else can.”

“I want you to be my first.” The corners of Logan’s lips lift. “And your last, Isla. I’m going to ruin you for anyone else. I’m going to leave my mark so deep in your fucking soul that you won’t ever want anyone but me.” “I never have.” “Good girl,”

“So sweet and so fucking innocent,” he murmurs, his lips finding mine with the taste of me on his tongue. “I’m so gone for you, baby girl.”

“What if I told you I would never let anything happen to you? That I would always keep you safe?” Grabbing the pillow beside me, I laugh lightly and throw it at him as I shake my head. “Nope. You’re not going to convince me to watch anything that will give me nightmares with empty promises like that.” Logan narrows his eyes slightly. “They’re not empty promises, baby.” His voice is low and soft and the oceanic depths of his eyes are warm. “One day, I’ll make you see.”

“Well, isn’t this cute?” August’s voice breaks through the silence as he strolls into the living room with his pillow. “I can’t sleep right now. What are you love birds doing?” My heart stops and my chest constricts as my body kicks into manual breathing, and my brain suddenly forgets how the hell to do it. Logan’s gaze lands on August as he drops down onto the chaise lounge and sprawls out. I widen my eyes as I stare at the TV, praying the couch will swallow me whole. “I’m fucking with you. That would be like incest, since I know she’s like a sister to you too,” August says slowly, his words drawn out as he narrows his eyes at us both. I don’t meet his gaze, but I can feel it on the side of my head. “Unless I should be worried about something?”

“Absolutely not.” Logan’s voice is controlled and calm, like he has rehearsed this a million times. My heart sinks and my lungs deflate as my hopes come crashing down. “You’re nuts for even insinuating that. You have nothing to worry about, trust me.” As if his first admission wasn’t like a slap to the face, I can barely stomach his last two sentences. I look over at August, whose eyes find mine, needing confirmation that Logan is telling the truth. This is my chance, but I can’t do that to Logan. I won’t ruin their friendship. “He’s right, August.” I smile at him, rolling my eyes for good measure. “I’m not stupid enough to get involved with someone like him.”

I never did respond to his message and left him on read, even though I knew it would make his blood boil. He deserved to just sit with that and stew on it for a little. It wasn’t fair, this game we’ve been playing. All it’s doing is muddling our minds and I don’t like it. At first, there was a certain degree of excitement, sneaking around. That was a long time ago and we’re past that now. I’m tired of being his secret and I’m tired of feeling like what we are doing is shameful. Sure, my brother might not agree with it, but when it comes down to it, it really isn’t his decision. It’s completely out of his control.

“What do you mean it was your idea?” Her bottom lip quivers and her eyes glisten under the moonlight as the tears begin to fall, staining her cheeks. “I just wanted to forget about you. I told him I wanted to go outside, so he brought me out here.” She pauses, hastily swiping the tears from her face as she stares back at me. “After last night, I just wanted something—someone—to help me forget, even if it was only for a few minutes.” My hands find the sides of her face as I step closer to her, my toes touching hers. She tilts her head back, her eyes bouncing back and forth between mine as I get lost in the deep brown hues of her irises. “You don’t have to forget, baby. You can try all you want to distract yourself, but you’re never going to be able to get rid of me.”

“It’s time to come clean,” I whisper, my eyes finding hers under the moonlight. “We need to tell August.” In an instant, the rug is pulled from under our feet. The earth opens up and the ground crumbles away as I hear his voice coming from the darkness of the night. “You need to tell me what?”

“What the hell, Isla?” he yells at me as he attempts to shove me away from him. “He fucked up. I warned him and he betrayed me, so it’s only right that he pays.” “This isn’t Logan’s fault. I’m the one who initiated all of this.” My eyes desperately search his, looking for the softer side of my brother. The one who can be caring and understanding instead of cold and closed off. “I love him, August.” August freezes, his hands gripping my shoulders as his face falls. “You don’t love him, Isla. You can’t.

“You don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t love,” I tell my brother, directing my eyes back to his. “I’ve loved him since we were kids.” “Jesus Christ.” His face contorts in something resembling disgust and pain. “How could I be so blind? I knew you had a crush on him, but I didn’t think it would ever come to this.” August pauses, glancing back at Logan. “Why her, man? You could have chosen anyone, but instead you choose my fucking sister.” Logan’s throat bobs as he swallows hard. His lips parting slightly as he lets out a ragged breath. “It wasn’t a choice for me—it was never a choice.” He pauses, his eyes finding mine through the darkness. “It was written in the stars, August. It was completely inevitable.”

Together we fall, into the depths of our euphoric abyss. I’m lost in him; he’s lost in me. And I never want either of us to be found.

She’s become my world—the most important thing. And dare I say, she’s more important to me than the game I’ve devoted my life to. My best friend, her brother, is still important, but it’s a different type of relationship. There was a point where I wasn’t sure I wanted to jeopardize that. But now it’s already been ruined, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to have to choose between the two of them. If I were to choose Isla, August would never forgive me and he would never approve. If I chose him instead of her, how the hell would she ever forgive me for that? She wouldn’t. Regardless of what happens when I go see August today, someone is going to get hurt.

“You wanted to talk, so fucking talk.” Swallowing hard over the lump lodged in my throat, I nod. “I’ve been in love with her for a long time, August. I don’t expect you to understand, but none of this is random and it’s not personal. It started in high school, but we never did anything then.” “Oh, how fucking noble of you,” he sneers, rolling his eyes. “That’s mighty big of you to wait until my sister turned eighteen before fucking her.” “It’s not like that, man,” I tell him, the desperation evident in my voice. Pausing, I run a frustrated hand through my hair. “I want more with her, but I won’t do that without your blessing. You’re both important to me, but if you don’t want me with her, I can’t argue with you on that. I know I’m not the perfect person. Hell, you of all people know of all of my shortcomings. I can’t say I would blame you if you didn’t want me to date her. I’ve always told her that she deserves more than I could ever give her, but she never accepted that as an answer.”

August keeps his narrowed eyes on me. “She does deserve more. I know how you operate. When it comes down to it, the game will always be more important to you. Hockey is your first love—your life—just like your fucking dad’s. And when it falls to shit, I refuse to sit back and watch you destroy her life like your father did to your mother.” Whoa. His words hit me like a ton of bricks straight to the chest. The force hits me harder than his fists ever could and I’m left with nothing, staring at him as my eyes widen. It was a low blow and he knows it, the guilt instantly washing over his face.

August isn’t wrong. Hockey is my first love, the first thing that I fully dedicated myself to. It has always been my life, but I’m learning that there is more to life than just playing the game. When I really think about it after he said it, would I choose Isla over the sport? If something happened and I was in the same situation as my father, would I end up the same way he did? He’s wrong in that fact. I would never leave my wife and kid just because my career was ruined. It’s not that important to me, when it really comes down to it. But as August’s words swirl around in my mind, I can’t help but think that he’s right. “I would never do that to her,” I tell him, my voice low and quiet. “I would never fucking leave her and my kid just because of my career being ruined.”

He either spoke the truth about me ending up like my father or it was solely out of him being hurt. Either way, I’m not going to explore it. Not when it feels like my heart was just ripped out of my chest. Not when I know that I need to go home and rip Isla’s from her rib cage. “She’ll be fine,” August tells me, his voice soft and quiet. His eyes meet mine and he frowns. “It was just a crush that got out of hand. She’ll get over it and see I was right. And you’ll do the same, like you always do. You’ll move from one bed to the next.”

“Is that why you really don’t want her with me?” August cuts his eyes at me. “I fucking know you, Logan Knight. You’re a good guy, don’t get me wrong. You’re my best fucking friend for a reason. But the two of you don’t belong together. You’ll hurt her in the end and then I’ll really have to kill you, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it.”

“We just need to take this little break and let August breathe. Maybe he’ll change his mind. And if he doesn’t, you still have a chance to find happiness instead of being stuck with your high school crush.” “You’re more than that, Logan,” I breathe, my voice barely audible as my eyebrows draw together. “I meant what I said. I love you—I’ve loved you for a long time.” “I love you too, Isla.” He smiles, his eyes close as two tears slip out and fall down the sides of his face. “That’s why I have to let you go.” His lips find mine, his kiss slow and brutal. He kisses me like it’s the last time he ever will, and there’s a good chance it might be. If August never comes around to the thought of the two of us together, Logan will never come back to me.

I can’t believe he really did this to me—to us. I shouldn’t be surprised, though… I always knew he would be the one to hurt me.

August frowns, his eyebrows drawn together as he stares at me with a worried look passing through his eyes. “Go with her,” he says softly, motioning for me to turn around. “Go make sure he’s okay.” I nod, hiccuping as I hastily wipe the tears away from my face. I quickly move toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist even though he towers over me on his skates. “I love you, big brother.” “I love you too, little sis,” he murmurs, hugging me back before he pushes me away. “Now go.”

“Are you sure it’s okay if I come along with you.” Camilla pauses as she pulls open the driver’s-side door. “Of course, sweetie. You’re like family.” She drops down into her seat and I do the same in the passenger’s seat. “I know how Logan feels about you. He called me this morning and told me everything. If anyone belongs by his side right now, I know in my heart that it’s you.”

My heart crawls into my throat. “Where is Isla?” “She’s right there,” my mother smiles, pointing to the other side of the room where Isla is curled up on a couch. “She hasn’t left since we got here.” Goddamn. I can’t even stop it as tears fill my eyes. My heart swells in my chest and a lump forms in my throat as I stare at her small form sleeping peacefully. She saw the entire accident happen and she’s still here. I never would have expected her to stay by my side this entire time, but that’s Isla Whitley. She’s a ride or die type of girl. My girl.

“Let her get some rest. I’m sure she’s exhausted if she’s been here since the game.” My mom’s lips curl upward as she flashes her bright white teeth at me. “Actually, your entire team is here.” She pauses, squeezing my hand that she’s still holding. “They’ve been camped out in the waiting room since your accident.” “Are you serious?” My voice cracks. Having Isla here means the world to me, but knowing that my entire team is here—my entire family—I don’t even have words for it. When bad shit happens, it’s funny how it really brings everyone together. How they actually show up for you. Those are the important people in life, the ones you should never let go of.