What We Broke

by Marley Valentine

It is life’s greatest privilege to be in the presence of this man, to love this man and be loved by him.

My brain remembers Jesse’s best friend, Zara. The mother of Jesse’s first daughter, Zara. Our egg donor, Zara. Our surrogate, Zara. My brain insists on remembering Zara, the woman my husband should’ve married. The woman who could live a whole, fulfilling life with Jesse, better than I ever can.

I was confident we were the forever type of love, even if right now we are nothing more than a hollow center and frayed edges. Time isn’t an issue, we could come back from this.

“The only way I’ll ever let you go is if I’m six feet under.” I glide the tip of my nose down the length of his nape, enjoying the hitch in his breath and the way his body shivers against mine. “It’s till death do us part, baby. And we’re both still here.”

We aren’t just bound together by marriage vows, we are tethered. Like magnets, my soul couldn’t detach itself from his no matter how hard I tried.

He’s also the worst dancer I’ve ever laid eyes on, but Jesus Fucking Christ is he beautiful.

“You have the most beautiful smile,” he says matter-of-factly before dropping the softest kiss on my lips. “That’s what caught my eye first.”

With his lips on mine, we just exist. One man confessing his truth, the other one absolving him of the burden. I know, in this moment, with this kiss, there will never be another man in my life like Jesse. Whether we extend our twenty-four hours or not, the damage is already done. I am irreparably changed. And I know he is too.

“You’re mine,” he says with such finality. “You’re my worry, my heartache, my burden. Whatever you think you are, whatever season it is for us, you’re fucking mine, Leo.”

“Leo. Baby,” I say with an exasperated breath. “We can’t be on the same page when we’re both reading a different fucking book.”

“I love you, Leo,” I say. “No matter what you try to tell yourself or how unloveable you try to insist you are. I. Love. You.”

The family was Zara and Jesse and Raine and Lola. They didn’t need me. And when Lola died, I felt that right down to the marrow of my bones. But here I am, sitting here getting my hair cut by a woman who would die for me if she needed to. I have a husband who loves me and a daughter who calls me Papa because she loves me like I’m her own. I’m worth something to them; I just need to work out how to believe it too.

“If someone really wants to marry you,” I tell Raine as I throw her over my shoulder, grab the bags I came in with, and walk to the kitchen. “Make sure they ask you to marry them one thousand times before you say yes, okay?”

“You gonna marry me, baby?” he says, the words making my heart frantic and my cock throb. “Yes,” I pant. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

“I want to come home every day to you,” he says, his voice like gravel, “waiting for me just like this.” “Only if you marry me,” I pant.

“Ask me again,” he says, his voice hoarse, his control hanging by a thread. “Marry me,” I repeat. “And again,” he demands, this time grabbing my dick, intent on pushing me over the edge. I can barely manage a coherent thought as his whole body works in perfect synchronicity to bring me to my knees.

I want to believe our love is a great love, a true love, but unfortunately, the hard lesson to learn is that it doesn’t actually matter which one of those it is. Because with great love comes great loss, and with true love comes true pain. And no love is invincible.

“Marry me.” I feel the stretch of his lips against mine and the rumble of a laugh deep in his chest. “Always.”

I bury my head in the crook of his neck and say the words he loves to hear. “I, Leo Ricci-Hunt”—I feel his pulse quicken against my lips—“take you, Jesse Ricci-Hunt, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, till death do us part.”

Jesse sends the words into the air. Like a prayer. Like a promise. “I, Jesse Ricci-Hunt, take you, Leonardo Ricci-Hunt, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, till death do us part.”