What We Broke

by Marley Valentine

It is life’s greatest privilege to be in the presence of this man, to love this man and be loved by him.

My brain remembers Jesse’s best friend, Zara. The mother of Jesse’s first daughter, Zara. Our egg donor, Zara. Our surrogate, Zara. My brain insists on remembering Zara, the woman my husband should’ve married. The woman who could live a whole, fulfilling life with Jesse, better than I ever can.

“The only way I’ll ever let you go is if I’m six feet under.” I glide the tip of my nose down the length of his nape, enjoying the hitch in his breath and the way his body shivers against mine. “It’s till death do us part, baby. And we’re both still here.”

We aren’t just bound together by marriage vows, we are tethered. Like magnets, my soul couldn’t detach itself from his no matter how hard I tried. And I’m fucking trying.

He’s also the worst dancer I’ve ever laid eyes on, but Jesus Fucking Christ is he beautiful.

“You have the most beautiful smile,” he says matter-of-factly before dropping the softest kiss on my lips. “That’s what caught my eye first.”

With his lips on mine, we just exist. One man confessing his truth, the other one absolving him of the burden.

Whether we extend our twenty-four hours or not, the damage is already done.

“You’re mine,” he says with such finality. “You’re my worry, my heartache, my burden. Whatever you think you are, whatever season it is for us, you’re fucking mine, Leo.”

“Leo. Baby,” I say with an exasperated breath. “We can’t be on the same page when we’re both reading a different fucking book.”

“I love you, Leo,” I say. “No matter what you try to tell yourself or how unloveable you try to insist you are. I. Love. You.”

“Jesus, Jesse,” he grits out. “I love you so fucking much. This lifetime and the next and the one after that.”