A Fire in the Flesh (Flesh and Fire, #3)

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

A wolf I’d known in my heart and soul was him: the Asher, the One who is Blessed, the Guardian of Souls, and the Primal God of Common Men and Endings. The ruler of the Shadowlands. My husband. Nyktos. Ash. He’d never confirmed that he could shift forms, but I knew it was my Primal of Death.

Obsession. Because what Kolis felt for Sotoria couldn’t be love. Love didn’t create monsters.

Kolis couldn’t kill Ash. If he did, the Primal embers of death would transfer back to him. Kolis would no longer be the Primal of Life or the King. There’d be no King. It would throw the realm of the gods into chaos.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner, but I’ve got you now, liessa, and I won’t let go. I’ll never let go again.”

Because taking the embers meant killing me, and he had chosen me, even though I was already dying, and it was foolish. Still, it was beautiful.

“You killed my mother and the true Primal of Life.”

The embers of life do not belong to you.” “She does not belong to you!” Ash roared.

And the death of either Kolis or Ash would destroy not only the mortal realm but also Iliseeum and every Primal. Completely.

Ash cared for me greatly. If he could, he would love me. He’d pretty much said that himself after we’d spoken with the God of Divination, Delfai. But he’d removed his kardia, the piece of the soul that all living beings had that allowed them to irrevocably love another not of their blood and enabled them to do anything for that person. The goddess Penellaphe had said it must’ve been incredibly painful for him to do so. To me, it was just so damn tragic. He’d done it in an attempt to protect himself and whoever he might come to love from his uncle.

Kolis was an evil, sick bastard, and I didn’t think that what he felt for Sotoria was love. It was more like an obsession. But he was still in possession of his kardia, and he believed he was in love with her. If that were true, then he’d do anything for her.

I’d underestimated what they would and wouldn’t do. I’d thought I could distract Kolis. That he would be vulnerable to his love, his obsession for Sotoria. But I’d distracted Ash, too. The dagger I’d held to my throat was now in Kolis’s hand. The false King of Gods was so damn fast. He twisted, slamming the dagger into Ash’s chest. Right into his heart.

One, I realized that a Revenant had to die to become one.

“Water is the source of all life and healing. Without it, even the Primal of Life wouldn’t hold power…if that power was to be held.” A wry, humorless smile appeared. “Those born here, the ceeren, carry that source within them. It’s a gift that heals, just as the water does.”

The ceeren had given me life. At the cost of theirs.

If I’d known, I would’ve done everything in my power to prevent the unnecessary loss of life. Because it was unnecessary.

Because the truth was, I didn’t want to be the kind of person who sacrificed everything—their life, body, autonomy, and godsdamn soul—for everyone else.

I did all of that because I had to. Never because I chose to. I’d never had the choice to choose myself. Now, I would. I was choosing to fight.

A wolf sat on the bank of my lake, one more silver than white. He watched. And I knew I was safe.

“Ko’ in the old language can be translated to the word our. Lis is soul,” he explained as my muscles began to lock up. “Ko’lis would translate to our soul. That is what my name symbolizes.” “How sweet,” I remarked. “What does So’ translate to?” The gold slowed in his eyes. “My.” My chest hollowed. My soul.

“I know you feel like you’ve been given no choices in life,” he’d said in that gentle way of his when he told me something he knew I didn’t want to hear. “But every day, there is a choice to keep going, to face the future head-on or not. Every day, there is a choice to be honest with yourself or to lie. One will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, and the other the easiest, but there is always the opportunity for choice if you don’t take the easiest path.”

There were many choices. To do nothing and let fate determine what happened to you. Or to face reality and make it hard for the Fates to dictate your path. There was also the choice to keep going.

Because I loved him. I was in love with him. And right or wrong, I would do anything for him.

They all deserved a life worth living. And Ash? Gods, he deserved to live without the threat of Kolis’s boot on his neck, where his innate kindness was rewarded instead of punished. A life that hadn’t made him fear falling in love so strongly that he’d had another Primal remove his ability to do so. But there was something I had to accomplish as soon as possible. I needed to gain Ash’s freedom.

“What I am is patient. I only have to wait. Eventually, Kolis must choose between love and…well, literally everything else.” Callum grasped the bars. He didn’t react. Either he was masking the pain I’d felt when I touched the bars, or they did not affect him. “So, he may humor this…whatever this is.” His gaze swept over me with that cold-as-a-grave stare. “He may spend the next days, weeks, months, or even years convincing himself that you are all he’s ever wanted or needed, but rest assured, you will eventually end up like all of his other favorites.”

“Because there is one thing he’s wanted more than his graeca, and that is to be the most powerful Primal ever to exist. So, it’s either something as intangible as love, or ultimate power over life and death.”

“Then you know there was no stopping what happened,” Attes said. “Kolis would’ve taken you one way or another. The only thing that could’ve been prevented was the unnecessary mass loss of innocents.”

“Primals cannot sense one another when we’re in our nota forms—when we take the shape of the animal we find ourselves most connected to,”

“What do you mean by unique hawks?” “They’re what we call a chora. They’re basically an extension of the Primal that takes the nota shape. They are created from our blood and are very much alive,” he said, his words becoming draped in a shroud of sorrow. “Iliseeum used to be full of chora. It was once a tradition, a way to honor our nota, as was the Primal notam—a bond formed with those we take the shape of. It was common when Eythos reigned, but impossible under Kolis. Most of the Primals have lost all of theirs, but the chora that still exist can do so for centuries and longer, even if the Primal they are bonded to enters Arcadia.”

“Eythos was under the impression that the embers would protect you and maybe give you some ability to restore life, but not to that extent. Even before the embers he stole from Eythos died out, Kolis couldn’t bring a draken back.”

“The embers are bonding with you, allowing you to access more of the essence.” He shrugged. “It happens when gods near their Ascension, just as it does with Primals.”

“You see, when you mess with fate and think you got away with it, you quickly find out you didn’t. Every action has a reaction, one that becomes either a reward or a consequence. That creates balance. And if that balance is undone in the minds of the Arae? They will reset it in the most fucked-up ways imaginable,”

“To get what he’s wanted, he’ll have to risk killing the only person he’s ever loved.”

“Then, clearly, the bones of the Ancients can be destroyed,” I said. “Only by two Primals: the Primal of Life and the Primal of Death.”

“Hating someone doesn’t mean you will cease serving them, especially if doing so benefits you,”

“You have no idea what any of us has done or what we are capable of if backed into a corner. And that includes Nyktos.”

“So, what’s different now?” “You,” he said. My fingers pressed into my arms. “You are the reason things are different now.” “Because of the embers?” “Because within you resides the only one who can kill Kolis. The one who can end this. And everything must be done to protect her.”

“It means that Sotoria’s soul is…” I watched him look away as he shoved a hand through his hair. “She’s trapped in me?” I asked. “Basically.”

“Sotoria’s soul is in you, but you’re not her.” Attes’s gaze met mine. “And even if Kolis never realizes that, it means you’re not the weapon Eythos believed he created.”

How could there be when it meant I’d never been able to save my kingdom? Everything I’d suffered and given up, all the sacrifices I’d made throughout my life for a kingdom that didn’t even know me. Not to mention the choices my family faced. They were all for nothing. All those years of grueling training and pushing my body and mind to the brink of collapse meant nothing. There’d been no need for me to learn what it felt like to be so godsdamn empty, what it took to be so, and what it stole. Accepting that truth was unbearable, intolerable. It meant my life, my entire existence, had been a lie. No.

Because there was no way that everything I had given up—everything Eythos and Kolis caused—was for nothing. That it was all fucking pointless.

“He’s weaker than I thought. Even with the embers he stole long since faded, he’s still the oldest Primal. Shadowstone shouldn’t have pierced his skin.”

“She dies, everything is lost.” Attes’s head tilted. A moment passed. “You matter, too.”

“With my sword and my life.” Eather-laced eyes lifted to mine. “I swear to you, the One who is born of Blood and Ash, the Light and the Fire, and the Brightest Moon, to honor your command.”

“It does. Or did.” He exhaled heavily, dragging his thumb over the base of his throat. “It’s from the oldest of our language. Toria had a few meanings. One meant garden. Another could be loosely translated into pretty flower.” He smiled then, but no dimple appeared, and I couldn’t help but think of what Sotoria had been doing when she died. She’d been picking flowers. “But a more exact translation is poppy.”

“So, Sotoria’s name could be translated into my pretty…” A strange shiver curled its way down my spine. “My pretty poppy?”

“Then I hope she hears this,” Attes said, swallowing once more. “I will save you this time.”

I suppose love made you capable of that: wanting happiness for another, even if it meant them finding it with someone else.

“I miss you,” he whispered hoarsely. “I don’t…I don’t know how much time has passed. A day? Two? A week? Only a few hours? I don’t know, liessa, but I miss you, even as I sleep so deeply.”

“I’m here, Ash.” He shuddered. “So don’t miss me.” I touched his jaw, feeling the slight stubble there. “Love me instead.” “I do,” Ash swore. “Fates, Sera, I do.”

“I need you, Ash. Please.” “You have me, liessa.”