I've Found Her (The Found Series #1)

by Joy Mullett

Accept

Accept

Sounds like an overreaction to a break up

Ruining the enamel on her teeth

Awake

Feels forced

It’s because there was no foreplay

Eww

Foul phrasing

Didn’t realise she’d already come seems unrealistic

This does not sound like something an actual person would say in reaction to him eating her cake

And the other ingredients would have worked better here. Saying etc in a book doesn’t sound right

Would make more sense if it said ‘ “and i you Bella” i growled’

An*

Sentence get rid of this then say Chloe squeeled

No where* it needs the space between

Unnecessary sentence

I didn’t realise she passed out

Unnecessary

Wait, what? Would work better

Show don’t tell why did you have to use bang if you wanted to show and not tell i wouldn’t said “a bang resounds through the car” and then continue on with the next line

You do not need to use onomatopoeia describe it - show don’t tell “i hear a crunch as pain spreads through my foot and ankle

Get rid

Just write bastard i sat there and had to figure this out. Like what in the wattpad fic is this censoring of ‘swear words’

Who the fuck is jake

Except - i swear it’s like this wasn’t even proof read there are so many spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors throughout this book

I really don’t believe this is how a man would describe his stomach after a night of drinking

Jesus fuck it’s just a one thing after the other in this book maybe if this book was of substance Bella wouldn’t have had to be abducted or hurt like 5 different fucking times so far

Refuse to believe this would ever be said in real life

I refuse to believe no one would notice someone who is splattered with blood, cuts all over their face and is being dragged on the floor by their hair

This all seems melodramatic

Again with the censoring

Could’ve just said one person in particular

Foul

Okay Edward Cullen

I highly doubt after going through 2 abductions in 24 hours that like a week later she would be ready to have sex

‘“Bella you are perfect” i hum’ would work better here

Leg would be more accurate if she’s got a cast on one

Not possible if he’s driving a Manual car