Sign Here

by Claudia Lux

Does it count as staying if leaving is always on the mind?

“That feeling in your gut all the time, no matter the quality or intention of your company, like your safety is a gift from the men around you, not a right?”

As far as I can tell from my observations, growing up seems to involve a lot of false starts, a lot of broken promises. The realization of the world as something neither for you nor against you, but rather uninterested in you entirely.

But growing up seems to be a lesson in loving only those who will love you back, and forsaking the rest.

After loss, love is never the same. That is not to say you won’t love another, maybe even more than ever before. But as you love them, you will mourn them. You’ll try not to, of course. Try to say, “You never know.” But you do. You know. And every inch gained in flight is an inch added to the fall.

Love tortures you more than we ever could.