Sign Here

by Claudia Lux

Lily had been beautiful her whole life, and therefore no one thought to care about the strength of her character.

Does it count as staying if leaving is always on the mind? How much lying does a marriage need to survive?

As far as I can tell from my observations, growing up seems to involve a lot of false starts, a lot of broken promises. The realization of the world as something neither for you nor against you, but rather uninterested in you entirely. No matter how special you are, how many gold stars you receive, the world itself is incapable of loving you.

But growing up seems to be a lesson in loving only those who will love you back, and forsaking the rest.

And slowly, his future grief corroded his present love like a cancer, until looking at her felt the same as losing her. So he stopped looking.

Love is one of these things humans experience, twist to fit their cage of mortality, and then claim to have invented. I’m not blaming you, far from it. Love was made to be coveted, and humans are nothing if not convinced of their right to take. I don’t even blame you for the jealousy and insecurity; we sent you those viruses ourselves, courtesy of the Fourth Floor. But the way you clutch at love, show it off, lose it and wail, find it again and forget all that you learned the time before—it’s all wrong. To us, you’re like a kid who finds his mom’s vibrator in her dresser and uses it as a microphone for a game of Look, I’m Famous.