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October 6 - October 7, 2024
“I pray for safe travels!” “The girl I like fancies my shixiong! Please make him uglier, please, I beg you.” “Fuck! I refuse to believe that I can’t give birth to a big, chubby brat!” There were all kinds of prayers. Xie Lian was getting a massive headache just listening
When they suffer, the first thing people think of is their loved ones, and to Xie Lian that meant his mother.
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In the midst of pouring tears, he cried: “I won’t forget! “I will never forget you!”
“You’re always so nasty to the people close to you,” Qi Rong grumbled bitterly. “If you’re so impressive, why don’t you cop an attitude with strangers?”
“Lord Wind Master, what’s going on? What’s with His Highness Qi Ying ‘going down to beat people up again’?” Shi Qingxuan snapped out of it and replied, “Beating people up is just…beating people up. Ahem. You might not believe it, but Qi Ying frequently beats up his own worshippers.” “…”
There were plenty of plays about Crimson Rain Sought Flower in the Mortal Realm, but they were usually titled something like The Red Demon Torched the Temples of Thirty-Three Gods and the Heavens Could Do Fuck-all About It, or Crimson Rain Sought Flower Strung Up the Martial and Civil Gods and Slapped Them Around With But One Hand,
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As they hiked up the hills, he cautioned the two little ones behind him, “Watch your step. It’s easy to trip here.” That was the truth. When Xie Lian walked this path at night, late in returning from town after collecting scraps, he always tripped or tumbled. Maybe it was just his luck. Hearing this, Qi Rong immediately cried, “DEAR GOD! PLEASE MAKE THIS PERSON TRIP TO HIS DEATH, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!”
That night, Xie Lian once again changed into women’s clothing. Although he was no stranger to cross-dressing by now, it was his first time pretending to be a pregnant woman.
In the many centuries past, there had of course been a multitude of gorgeous female ghosts who tried to tempt him with their naked bodies, but Xie Lian’s reaction had never been so embarrassing. So why, tonight, had he devolved into such a state? He supposed it had to be because the state preceptor had only ever taught him how to defend against the wiles of women, not men. Because of his lack of experience, he’d been swept off his feet.
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“Authentic fresh graveyard fruit; if it ain’t growin’ on dead bodies, we won’t pick it. It’s true, not a word of falsehood…”
He was so embarrassed that he desperately wished he could choke himself to death with his congee.
Of all the crazed brushwork Xie Lian had ever witnessed, none could measure even halfway to Hua Cheng’s wild script, a wildness that carried a wicked whirlwind of malevolence. If any calligraphy teachers saw it, their eyes would roll back and they’d perish on the spot.
“You’re a man and a heavenly official. This is the Palace of Divine Might! How could you do something so unmannerly? No, don’t turn into a woman either! Even in a woman’s form it’s equally disgraceful; change back right this instant!”
“Miss, I may not be a saint, but I still know a faithful heart. If I did not love someone, I would never cross any such lines with them,” he said sternly. “If I did, I would never allow that person to suffer any speck of grief, even if I had to beg and collect scraps, or busk and perform on the streets to support my family. You are in the Palace of Divine Might; do not speak falsehoods.”
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“YOU TWO! Broken pot with a rotten cover to match! Hearts of snakes and scorpions! Gurgle gurgle gurgle…”
“GOD FUCKING XIE LIAN! BLACKHEARTED SNOW LOTUS! You might as well just stab me dead right now! So acting good by fishing me out was all to make me suffer this torture?! I’VE SEEN THROUGH YOU!”
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“What are you doing now?! What the hell!” “It’s that pot of ‘Love for All Seasons’ stew,” Xie Lian replied warmly. “I’m heating it up.” Hua Cheng applauded quietly at this. “What a good name.” Qi Rong screeched, “YOU GAVE THAT FUCKING SHIT A NAME?! STOP!”
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“Is it maybe because I didn’t add enough water after all…?” he murmured. “Why are their reactions stronger than Qi Rong’s?” Hua Cheng arched his eyebrows. “I think it’s fine. It’s probably a problem with their taste buds. It happens.”
“If nothing else, I plan on going to the imperial capital and reserving the best room at the best restaurant to drink for around eighty to a hundred days straight. We’ll put on plays and set off firecrackers every day, and that will flush it out eventually.”
“Because I killed them,” Hua Cheng said. “…Doesn’t this say they all died by suicide?” Xie Lian asked. “I sent messengers to greet them, and they killed themselves before I made any further move,”
“Can ghosts please not so bluntly describe how they kill people in front of heavenly officials? Can ghosts also please not openly discuss this with other heavenly officials, in front of other heavenly officials?”
“Ming-xiong, doesn’t that mean you’re in danger too? You’re my best friend, after all!” Ming Yi shifted to sit farther away from Shi Qingxuan, his expression written with the sentiment that he’d rather not have Shi Qingxuan as a best friend,