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I want to be able to say no. I want to be so strong that I never have to smile again, or look pretty, or worry that somehow, I’ll drop the ball for a second—a split second—and somehow let myself go. I want to be so strong that no one can ever hurt Mattie, nothing can ever destroy me from the inside. Strong enough to control my brain. So my brain never ends up in chunks in my brother’s hair. But yeah. I guess a dog would be nice.
