The “hedgehog’s dilemma” is an apt metaphor that can shed light on attachment. Created by the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, the dilemma describes a group of hedgehogs shivering in the cold. They huddle together for warmth, but their quills prick one another, so they retreat: avoidant hedgehogs. But when they’re cold again, they huddle too close: anxious hedgehogs. It’s Schopenhauer’s metaphor for the perils of intimacy—we’re out in the cold without it but injured with it. But intimacy isn’t so perilous for every hedgehog. The secure have learned to strike the right balance of safety
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