Our behaviors in relationships often lie on a continuum, from those that protect us on one side and those that protect the relationship on the other. To protect ourselves from rejection or harm, we withdraw, devalue the relationship (It wasn’t so great anyway), or act competitive or dominant, but in doing so, we injure the relationship. To protect the relationship, we accommodate the other person’s needs, do things for them, or affirm them, but in doing so, we are left more vulnerable to exploitation or rejection. When we’re in self-protection mode, we’re in anti-relationship mode. When we’re
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