Anger of despair is the destructive force we typically associate with anger. Anger of hope, however, is a healing force that can deepen friendships, one that we should embrace. Psychoanalyst Virginia Goldner distinguishes between two types of safety in relationships: “the flaccid safety of permanent coziness,” which is maintained by ignoring anger and conflict and pretending problems don’t exist, and the “dynamic safety whose robustness is established via . . . risk-taking and its resolution—the never-ending cycle of breakdown and repair, separation and reunion.” Dynamic safety, Goldner
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