Psychoanalyst Virginia Goldner distinguishes between two types of safety in relationships: “the flaccid safety of permanent coziness,” which is maintained by ignoring anger and conflict and pretending problems don’t exist, and the “dynamic safety whose robustness is established via . . . risk-taking and its resolution—the never-ending cycle of breakdown and repair, separation and reunion.” Dynamic safety, Goldner suggests, invites trust and fosters true intimacy. Anger of hope can bring dynamic safety to our friendships.
