Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends

by Marisa G. Franco

Vulnerable narcissists reveal the self-centeredness of pain, how we prioritize our needs and shun those of others when we’re hurting. They agree with statements like “I need compliments from others in order to be sure of myself” and “When others get a glimpse of my needs, I feel anxious and ashamed.” They feel low self-worth and are reactive and hostile. Vulnerable narcissists don’t mean to cause harm. They focus on getting their needs met, and dismiss those of others’, because as research finds, they assume (often incorrectly) that they’re the ones being slighted. For vulnerable narcissists, or to some extent for anxious people (and avoidants too, for that matter), there’s so much attention given to how others are slighting them that this concern eclipses their evaluation of how they treat people.