Daisy's Decision (Icehome, #15)

by Ruby Dixon

“Never ugly. Never.” She does not understand that when I look at her, I do not see scars. I see the bright-eyed, eager female who gave up a life of ease because she wished so desperately for a true mate and a family of her own. She is yet that female, and she is still perfection to me. Her face could be riddled with thick, ugly scars and she would take my breath away every time she smiled. “You are cruel to yourself.”

She has not, but I do not give up hope. I will never give up on D’see.

“I’ve been thinking,” she tells me. “I see.” “I want a baby.” “I know this.” The entire tribe knows this. The mountains in the distance know this. D’see has made quite clear her wishes.

I want her to see me as O’jek, her mate, not O’jek the friend and the one that takes care of her. Perhaps that is what bothers me about this. I do not feel “seen” with this choice she makes. I feel…convenient.

Perfect hands are the hallmark of a well-bred female, Johani’s voice says in my head. And I need my female to look perfect. Imperfections are a stain upon my name.

Johani lives in her head to this day and I don’t think she’ll be able to have a real connection until that isn’t the case.

“D’see,” he murmurs. “If you are thinking to talk me out of this agreement, telling me we shall have to repeatedly mate is not the way to do so.”

Then he pauses again. “At what point do I use my tongue—” “Now,” I blurt. “Now, please.”

“It’s a cream,” B’shit says. “For sex. In case things aren’t very…lubricated. She’s a virgin, right? She told me that.” She gestures at the jar. “So her first time with a Shadow Cat hunter isn’t as awful as mine.”

Every bit of Bridget in this is 100% perfect lol she is a sass queen, caring too.

Here I am lost in my own head and moping about my ugly scars and everyone has their own problems.

I think this is a good way for Daisy to see how things aren’t always perfect for everyone else just because they have mates and families. She needed to learn a little empathy. That might also motivate her to become a full tribe member better than all the snide remarks.

“All I am saying is that you cannot chase after the most fragile female in the tribe and then get mad at her because she is fragile. Even I am not that rock-headed.”

Then, the thought fills me with grief. Why won’t he love me? Am I so very unlovable?

I’ve been so focused on keeping myself ‘pretty’ like Johani wanted that I never stopped to realize that I no longer have to please him. I need to please myself. And days like today – talking and working with Angie and Elly – make me feel good.

“I love you, too, my mate.” They are not words I am familiar with, these “love” words, but I know D’see needs to hear them. They do not feel sufficient for how deeply I care for her, how ingrained she is now in my spirit, how I would destroy anything and everything in this world to make her smile.