After college I move across the country to Seattle, a city that I thought I would love because my ex loved Seattle and I am still in love with my ex. I can’t stop thinking about them, and caught in that old queer quandary of figuring out whether I want to be with someone or be like them, I wonder if it must be the latter. Theirs is the masculinity I know best, used sweaters and functional windbreakers, like I’m a walking L.L.Bean catalog, and I certainly feel queer, but I also feel white, like I am cosplaying as someone who boulders.
