How to Get a Girlfriend (When You're a Terrifying Monster) (Monster Girlfriend, #1)

by Marie Cardno

Because, as her heart was telling her, if anyone was going to make this human’s eyes glimmer with unearthly madness, it was going to be her.

The human had a skeleton underneath, didn’t she? She thought about adjusting her eyes to see through the human’s surrounding flesh to the bones beneath, to see how they worked, but that seemed rude. They hardly knew each other. She didn’t know much about human customs, but skeletons had to be private, or else why would they be so carefully wrapped up?

She was pretty sure inhabitants of the Endless Void weren’t meant to be hot.

She was built like a brick shithouse, tall, and sturdy in all directions, with sun-roughened pale skin and short dark hair. Girls gave her second looks

when they saw her from behind. And plenty of them gave her an appreciative third look when she turned around and they saw that her thighs and arse were attached to someone with tits to match.

Maybe it was worth becoming one with the Endless again, just to have more space to hide from the memory of how completely she’d messed that up.

And when she did come back, Trillin would say … something. Something really good.

Smart. Witty. Maybe even … alluring. Trillin wasn’t entirely sure what alluring meant, but she suspected it was a big part of being girlfriend material.

her human.

her human!

Her human

“The Endless doesn’t want. Not much. Just to be all one thing. But when pieces fall off, they want things – to be more, or stronger,

or just to be apart from the Endless as long as they can.”

Second tentacle to the left and straight on till morning.

The small part of Sian that still existed behind the fear wondered if she could get a paper out of what the being’s eyes looked like. No, not a paper. A poem. Shattered crystals, each piece reflecting a different horror. Distant galaxies collapsing into one another, heralding the deaths of millions. Long, pale, many-jointed limbs reaching from the ocean floor and crick-crackle wrapping themselves around anchor chains. Flickering somethings at the corner of your eye, the edge of

the mirror, slipping sidelong from reflection to reflection.

“I won’t eat you.” Trillin’s voice was so sincere, so earnest, that Sian had to bite back a burst of giggles. “I know how to, now, but I won’t. I want you to know that.”

“I think that’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever told me.”

Not perfect. But definitely girlfriend material.