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“Not gonna be late, Cricket.
Aw the nickname
There was a warmth in his voice that soothed so many of my rough edges. The ones caused by missing-in-action parents and living all but alone in an empty house. The ones of never feeling good enough, no matter how high my grades were or how many extracurriculars I participated in. With Holt, I could simply be.
or I’ll never get to my girl.” That warmth was back. Spreading. Sinking deep into the places that were only his.
The list of things that typically kept Holt from running on time was endless. A mama duck was trying to cross the street, and he had to stop traffic so she and her babies could get there safely. He couldn’t find his keys. He’d searched high and low until he found them in the door to his truck. But the most common was that he’d gone out with his dad on a search and rescue call. He’d forget to text, and Grae would inevitably have to let me know where he’d gone.
I couldn’t begrudge him any of it because his reasons were always so good. He was so good. That was Holt. Easily distracted but with the best heart. And I’d love that heart until the day I died.
He’d come to mean safety to me long before we ever became a couple. Looked out for me since before I could walk. But it was more than that. There was no place I felt more at peace than with Holt by my side.
“It isn’t words she needs from me.” It was atonement. But I couldn’t give Wren anything that would heal the wounds I’d caused for not being there during the one moment she’d needed me the most.
His voice was the same as it had always been, that even tone with just a bit of grit that had seen me through what I’d thought were my darkest moments. And he’d never given up on me. He’d gotten me help as soon as he could and had given me a sense of purpose that I’d desperately needed when my world had crumbled around me.
It wasn’t that. It was that Nash had only ever cared for one girl. And when he screwed that all to hell, he’d built and kept those walls sky-high.
He let out a low, familiar chuckle, one I’d heard a million times. At first, that laugh had killed me. It didn’t sound right because I was used to hearing it mixed with Holt’s. But Chris and Jude had stuck it out, not letting me push them away. They were the ones I called when I couldn’t fix the leak under my sink. Or when I needed furniture moved around that I couldn’t wrestle myself. They checked in on the regular and made sure I always knew I had help if I needed it.
“We’re gonna have a beautiful life.” He said it with such certainty that I believed every word.
Im crying
I knew now why I’d stayed away from photos of Wren. She’d been beautiful when I’d fallen in love with her. But now? It was the kind of beauty that branded you. Looking at her and truly seeing? You’d never be the same.
Anything would’ve been better. Screaming. Crying. Slapping me across the damn face. Not staring at me like I was no one. A stranger.
Wren leapt to her feet, green fire burning in her hazel eyes. “I don’t give a damn about the five minutes you missed that night. I give a damn about the last ten years you threw away.”
Lawson stared at me for a moment. “I’ve never known two people who loved each other more. Not even my parents. The way you two always were around each other… Like you could sense where the other was at all times and if they needed something,”—he took a breath—“you were giving it to the other before anyone else could blink.”
I wondered how many times that room had seen Little Women. I swore I still knew the whole thing by heart, simply from how often Wren and Grae had forced me to watch it. But I would’ve viewed it a million times more—anything to have Wren’s body curled around mine.
Wren eased forward a couple of steps. It wasn’t much, but to me, it felt like the world’s greatest victory.
And I couldn’t help but think that it would be worth it, just for a little more of that hopeful gleam in Holt’s eyes.
“I didn’t protect her. She’d been let down so many times, and I promised her I would always be there for her. When she needed me the most, I was nowhere to be found.”
What kind of logic when you did it after
“That boy looks like you just stole his last cookie.” I couldn’t help taking a quick glance over my shoulder. Holt’s focus was zeroed in on me, his thumb skating back and forth under his bottom lip. The move was so familiar it lit an ache in the deepest parts of me. Igniting a wish that things could be different. That I could erase the last ten years somehow and change that day and everything that followed.
Jude’s jaw tightened. “Had something good. Let life get in the way of it. Don’t want that to happen to you.”
Those icy claws of grief and rage dug into my heart again. “But you didn’t even call when you knew she was gone?” Holt knew better than anyone how much Gran had meant to me. Other than him, she was my lifeline. When she passed, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep going.
“I’ve got you.” I felt the words against my skin as much as I heard them, a gentle brand that sliced to my very core. “Do you?” I choked out, my voice raw. Holt held me tighter against him. “I’m so sorry, Cricket. You’ll never know how much. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” His words only made me cry harder.
The corner of his mouth kicked up. “Cricket, there hasn’t been anyone in a long time. I realized it wasn’t fair to go there with a woman when the only one I wanted was you.”
“Because it’s not your house. It’s mine. Gran gave me the money for a down payment, but I worked my butt off to get approved for the loan. And I work my butt off to pay the mortgage every month. That’s important to me. I have a place that I earned. That’s mine.” Hurt flashed in Holt’s eyes but he covered it quickly. “Okay. No garage.” The annoyance seeped right out of me as I took in the man opposite me. “I’m not trying to be a jerk, but after you left, I had to figure out how to stand on my own two feet.
