Mamen felt pride in being given the responsibility, but privately, he was racked with doubts and fears. That night he was restless and awoke from fitful dreams, then thought longingly of home, as he recorded in his diary: “My thoughts wandered back to the Fatherland and my home with all its beloved ones, and to our coming journey to save our lives.… I hope that with the help of God everything will come out all right, but if not, that we may have a quiet and peaceful death, without much pain or agony.”
