Forever, Interrupted

by Taylor Jenkins Reid

That’s when I see that it isn’t all glass. The road is covered in little specks of something else. I walk closer and I see one at my feet. It’s a Fruity Pebble.

“Is he okay?” “Ma’am, I can’t—” “Is he okay?” The officer looks at me. He pulls his hat off his head and places it on his chest. I know what this means. I’ve seen it done on the doorsteps of war widows in period pieces. As if on cue, I start violently heaving.

“What happened to the driver?” I ask the officer, calm and composed. “I’m sorry?” “What happened to the person driving the moving truck?” “He passed away, ma’am.” “Good,”

?

and a fucking bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

Girl

My mind flashes back to the Fruity Pebbles all over the road, and I know they will be there when I get home. I know that no one will have cleaned them up because no one could possibly know how horrifying they would be to look at again. Then I think of what a stupid reason that is for Ben to die. He died over Fruity Pebbles. It would be funny if it wasn’t so… It will never be funny.

and then she walks up to the nurses’ station and starts yelling. “How much longer until we can see Ben Ross?” she screams at the young Latina nurse sitting at her computer. “Ma’am,” the nurse says, standing up, but Ana moves away from her. “No. Don’t ma’am me. Tell me where he is. Let us through.”

Screams?

reddish brown hair in waves around her face. She has mascara running down her cheeks, a brown purse over her shoulder, a blackish

Redish blackish

“Elsie,” I say. I am terrified of her. She looks angry and vulnerable, like a teenage runaway. “Elsie what?” she chokes. “Elsie Ross.” That’s when she breaks. She breaks just like I have. Soon, she’s on the floor. There are no more tissues in sight to save the linoleum from her tears.

Rude why not say your own last name

“Mrs. Ross,” the man in the red tie says. “Yes?” Both Susan and I answer at the same time. “I’m sorry,” I say. “Which one did you mean?” “The elder,”

as I pulled out the menu. I don’t know why I even bothered to look at the menu. I ate eggs Benedict every Saturday morning.

“What can I get for you two?” The waitress who came up to us wasn’t our usual waitress. She was older, had been through more. “Oh, hi! I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Ana.” “Daphne.” This waitress wasn’t nearly as interested in being friends with us as Ana might have hoped. “What happened to Kimberly?” Ana asked. “Oh, not sure. Just filling in for the day.” “Ah. Okay, well, we’ll make this easy on you. Two eggs Benedict and I’ll have an iced tea like she has,” I said.

Weird

The best part about this place was they put spinach in the eggs Benedict, kind of an eggs Benedict Florentine.

Best

“Oh, it’s fine,” he said. “But I’m not even going to try for your number. Girl compliments your eyes, your hair, your beard, your arms, your name, that means she’s open to a date. Girl compliments your shirt? You’re getting shot down.”

“Well, it’s just hard for me to imagine that a woman could afford such a nice place on her own.” I gave him a look of mock indignation, and he gave me one right back. “I’m a librarian.” “Got it,” he said. “So you’re doing well.

Is she?

finally get up around noon, not because I feel ready to face the day but because I can no longer face the night.

head in and I’ll take care of this,” she says, heading back into the

Head in!

“Ithaca. My parents both went to Cornell and made me take a tour, but when I got there, Ithaca seemed a better fit.

you have any brothers or sisters?” I asked. Ben shook his head. “You?” “No, sir.”

“I told you you’d be embarrassed,” he said as he ran around to the driver’s side. Once we’d made our way back onto the freeway, I texted Ana, letting her know that I’d call her tomorrow. She texted back asking what on earth I was doing that I couldn’t talk to her. I told her the truth. “I’m on a daylong date. It’s going really well so I’ll call you tomorrow.” Ana tried to call me after that and I put her through to voice mail again.

I dont like the friend or the bf

I attempted to open the bottle and failed, so Ben stepped in and popped it open.

Lame

I showed him what I had, and it was sparse, although had either of us been a decent cook, I’m sure we could have come up with something.

So he wanted to cook but isnt even even decent enough to make something up?

“Yes, hi. I’d like to get an order of kung pao chicken, an order of beef chow mein, and wonton soup.” He paused for a moment. “No. We’d like brown rice, please.” He stuck out his tongue at me, and then he gave my address, his telephone number, and hung up. When the food came, we ate

This is repetative and telling not showing

am the next of kin. I am Ben’s wife.” “I don’t mean to argue otherwise, Elsie. I simply have no record of that.” “So you’re saying that because I don’t have a marriage certificate yet, I am not next of kin?” Richard Pavlik shakes his head. “In situations like this, where there is a question of who is the next of kin, I have to go by official documents. I don’t have anyone else close to Ben who can confirm that you two were married, and when I looked into marital records, there was no evidence of it. I hope you understand I’m in a difficult spot.”

“If you don’t have plans, I could come over and see you again tonight. I make no assumptions about sleeping over but I should be honest and tell you it’s a goal of mine.” I laughed. “That sounds good. When were you thinking?” “Have you eaten dinner yet? I could pick you up and take you out. Are you free now?”

Homeless

I have always lived by the rule that your clothes can be a mess but if your face looks good, no one will notice. I probably believe this because I’d like to lose ten pounds but I think my face is cute. Girls that work out all day and have huge boobs but boring faces probably think the face doesn’t matter if your boobs are taken care of.

I didn’t usually spend my Monday nights by a fire overlooking the water, being served chilled white wine and Pellegrino. I usually spent my Monday nights eating Hot Pockets while reading a book and drinking from the tap.

Ew

“Kind of like a supernova?” “Hmm?” “It’s some sort of star or explosion that’s so powerful it can emit the same amount of energy that the sun will emit over its entire lifetime, but it does it in, like, two months and then it dies.”

Shes dumb but a librarian

“Well, be my guest. It’s over to the left, behind the periodicals.” “I’ll only be a minute!” he said as he headed back there, slow like a turtle but also just as steady. I headed to the side door to find Ben wondering what the hell I’d been doing.

She is dumb for this

“Now that you know my deepest, most embarrassing secret, that I read young adult novels written mostly for thirteen-year-old girls, do you still like me? Can we still go out, or have you just about had enough?” “No, I think I’ll stick with you,” I said, grabbing his hand. The phone rang again, and Ben ran and picked it up. “Los Angeles Public Library, Fairfax Branch, Reference Desk, how may I help you?” he said arrogantly. “No, I’m sorry. We’re closed today. Thanks. Bye.” “Ben!” I said after he hung up. “That was unprofessional!” “Well, you can understand why I didn’t trust you to do it.”

Immediately No

“I don’t know what to say,” my mother adds. But she can’t stand not saying something so she pulls something out of her ass. “I trust you’ve informed his family.” My parents see death every day, and I think it has made them numb to it in a lot of ways. I think it’s made them numb to life too, but I’m sure they’d just say I’m too sensitive.

Why are they terrible?

“You’re doing that thing.” “No, I’m not.” “Yep, your chest is getting red and you’re speaking in clipped tones. That means you’re mad.” “How would you even know that?” “Because I pay attention.”

As if no one else does that

“It’s funny to me that you think six months is a long period of time,” she says. And then she hangs up.

My side of the funeral looks like a frat at a school dance. It’s Ben’s friends and former roommate. It’s men who have one nice suit, who eat pizza every night, and play video games until they go to bed. That’s who Ben was when he was here, it’s who Ben surrounded himself with. It’s good that they are here now, however nameless and faceless they feel in this crowd.

Men?

I grabbed the newspaper from him. “We can’t be anything. We aren’t talking about anything that would progress our relationship in any way, shape, or form. Which a dog most certainly does.”

The deal ends tomorrow ??

“I’m weird for loving you?” I think he was just as shocked he’d said it as I was. “To love parts of you, I meant.” He put me down. “I meant, to love parts of you.” He blushed slightly as I found a shirt and put it on. I smiled at him like he was a child who had very adorably hidden my car keys. “You weren’t supposed to say that,” I teased him as I put on mascara and got my shoes. “Ignore it please!” He was now waiting by the door for me.

Ignore it?

“Mmm-hmm,” I said, listening. “I’m worried that my meeting you, meeting this fantastic girl who is perfect for me…” he said, “I’m worried it will be too much. I’m worried she’ll feel left behind. Or… that I’m moving on too quickly or something. There’s nothing left in the house to change. And I feel like she’s about to”—he didn’t say it lightly—“crash.” “You feel like you need to stagnate because she is stagnating? Or that you need to keep her at bay for now until she settles?” “Kind of. For some reason, I just think, when I tell my mom I’m in a really great relationship, some part of her isn’t going to be ready for that.”

“Thank you, Elsie. For understanding and not thinking I am a gigantic douchey mama’s boy.” “You’re not scared your mom will be mad at you,” I said. “That would make you a gigantic douchey mama’s boy. You’re just scared to hurt her feelings. That makes you sensitive. And it’s one of the reasons I love you.” “And the fact that you understand that about me and it’s a reason you love me, makes you the coolest girl in the world,”

Cool

He took off his shirt and handed it to me silently, casually, as if it were now an impulse. I took it and put it on,

Ew

Elsie Porter, can do it. You are so strong and so smart, Elsie. I just wanted you to have something in your hand you could hold and know that you can do this.” “Elsie Ross,” I say, correcting her. “My name is Elsie Ross.” “I know,” she says, defensively. “You called me Elsie Porter.” “It was an accident.” I stare at her and then get back to the issue at hand. “There is no getting through this, Ana. But you won’t ever understand that because you’ve never loved someone like I love him.” “I know that,” she says. “No one could. Certainly not a goddamn book.”

chill

All of the days have been blurring together, bleeding from one into the next. I didn’t realize it was so late in the month. I should have gotten my period days ago.

Stress???? Not eAting?? But ok

“I have to say, I am really glad you went on that NuvaRing thing,” he said, once he was alert. “I don’t have to worry about anything. I can just fall asleep after.”

Omg about to dnf seriously

He nodded. “It’s gone, right? It’s not there?” I shook my head. “I don’t know how! I don’t understand how.” I felt like I had ruined both of our lives. I started crying. “I’m so sorry, Ben! I’m so sorry! I don’t understand how this could have happened! It’s not… I did exactly what I was supposed to! I don’t know how it would have just fallen out! I don’t! I don’t!”

Girl

It means I’m not alone in this. It means Ben is here with me. It means my life, that felt empty and miserable, now feels difficult but manageable. I can be a single mother. I can raise this child by myself. I can tell this child all about his father. About how his father was a gentle man, a kind man, a funny man, a good man.

Immediately No. A kid isnt a replacement get a lifeee

“If you ever need anything at all, please don’t hesitate.” She laughs in a sad way, as if it’s funny how pathetic what she is about to say truly is. “You’re the only person I have left to be there for,” she says.

“I’m going to tell you something no one who is still alive knows. Well, except my wife, but she knows everything.”

I bet she has croaked

suggested a place in Redondo Beach for lunch.

This is the 3rd lunch outing in A row

I’m already face-deep in tortilla chips,

Now shes hungry?

But this… is a bit strong, no?”

“It’s a bit much, isn’t it?”

A bit repetitive isnt it?