How to Bite Your Neighbor and Win a Wager (Guides for Dating Vampires, #1)

by D.N. Bryn

So that left home invasion: the vampiric equivalent of that old game show with the doors. What’s behind door number one? An empty bed, or an elderly lady wearing three bottles of perfume, or an angry naked fireman with an ax? Vincent hadn’t realized it was possible to have horny nightmares, but after the fireman encounter he didn’t sleep through the day for a month.

He swallowed yet again and managed to say something that sounded an awful lot like, “I’m not here every night,” except it definitely came from the mouth of someone quite a lot less stable and far more breathless than him. The man’s lips quirked. “Seeing other humans, are you?” Vincent wanted to die. If someone could come stake him right there, he’d probably say thank you and have a nice day after.

He swallowed. Again. “You have blood on that hand.” Wesley pulled the arm back. “Oh shit, is that a vampire faux pas or something?” Vincent couldn’t find a courteous way to say no it just makes me want to suck on your fingers so he opted for, “I’m Vincent.”

I want you to let me grip your hair as I suck on your neck, I want you to fight me just a little so your body presses into mine, I want you to run your hands over your skin and tug at your clothing and see how long I can hold myself back from biting you

I’m kind of pathetic, as vampires go. I don’t make for a dramatic, mysterious predator. I’m like the grimy sewer variety of a vampire that you shoo off your lawn with a broom.”

Relationships are a fucking minefield and if there were right answers then someone would have written them in a book and gotten really rich by now.” “Pretty sure there’s lots of rich people with books on dating.” “Yeah but they’re all straight and white and mostly wrong, so they don’t count.”

You can interrupt! It’s a soap box not a TED Talk.

I still felt like the kid hiding behind the curtains hoping no one else noticed me, while also needing everyone to notice me at the same time, and not knowing what the fuck to do about it.