The Cheat Sheet

by Sarah Adams

He plucks a maple glazed out of the box and leans down to give me a quick peck on the cheek like he always does.

To my left is a floor-to-ceiling three-million-dollar view of the ocean, but to my right is the view I would give my soul to see every day for the rest of my life.

She rolls her head so her soft brown eyes lock with mine. Bree is all honey-brown, long, wildly curly hair and a wide, gorgeous mouth with dimples the size of my thumb on either side. She has a Julia Roberts smile—one so unique and stunning that once you’ve seen it, no other smile even comes close.

She was a defibrillator to my chest. Bam. My heart hasn’t beat the same since.

I squat down in front of her, taking one of her hands. “Hi pretty friend, how are you feeling?”

Her hair is a cute messy bun of curls on the top of her head and she’s wearing her favorite joggers with one of my old LA Sharks hoodies, which she stole from my closet a long time ago. It swallows her whole, but since she just came from the studio, I know there is a tight leotard under it. I can barely find her in all that material, and yet she’s still the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen. Just her presence in this room feels like finally getting hooked up to oxygen after days of not being able to breathe deeply.

“Beautiful,” he whispers against my ear, and a shiver runs sweet prickles up my spine. “You still with me?” I nod.

“Look at me, Bree.” She does, and her eyes are filled with so many emotions I can’t read. “It’s just me. Me and you. Nathan and Bree Cheese.

Bree’s smile slips for only a second. She must see something in my face that I don’t mean to be showing. Her delicate hand comes up to my jaw, and she smiles for real. It’s soft. A blanket. A Bree and Nathan smile. “You still with me?” she asks quietly, making me focus on only her. I let myself drown in her, and my pulse calms a little. I nod and swallow. She rises up on her tiptoes and places a soft, quick kiss on my lips.

Nathan takes my arm and tugs me down beside him on the couch. And here’s the problem with this whole situation: He’s my best friend who I always turn to in situations like this, so even though he’s the one I’m embarrassed around, he’s also the one whose chest I bury my face in for comfort. His long arms engulf me and he secures me to him. I’m anchored. His cologne washes over me, and now I know this was a mistake. He’s not going to let me go.

Those wide, brown eyes stare at the scene ahead of us, and I feel her hand slowly slide into mine. Our fingers lace. I can’t help but smile when I realize her palms are a little sweaty too. She swallows audibly. “Stay with me, please.” I grin. “Always.”

I stare down at her wondering how in the hell she just did that. I could feel that tightness starting to grip my chest, that smothering sensation settling down on me again. An out-of-control panic was tiptoeing up to me, then one touch and a few soft words from her pulled me back to my body. I feel safe with her. My thoughts feel quieter.

“This is okay?” I ask. She lifts a coy shoulder with a small grin—flirtatious. ALSO NEW! “I mean, sure. But just know that if you’re going to act possessive in public, I will too.” She goes up on her toes to kiss my jaw.

“I’m giving you ample warning,” he says in a deep tone that crawls up my neck in the most pleasant way. Like someone trailing their finger across your skin to make your hairs stand up. His eyes glitter in the darkness. “I know change scares you, so I’m going to tell you what’s about to happen, make sure you approve first.”

“I’m going to take three steps back to you and put my hands on your hips.” His eyes rove over me, and he squints just below my chin. “Maybe your jaw, maybe the back of your neck. We’ll see. And then I’m going to kiss you.” I. Can’t. Feel. My. Toes.

Would I have liked for Nathan to admit his undying love for me and THEN kiss me? Yes. But I’m going to make myself do something new and hope for the best. He’s taken the utmost care of me over the past six years, and deep down, I know I can trust him now. “Still with me, Bree Cheese?” he asks. I nod.

Oh gosh, I’m giggling! No! This is no time to pull a Rachel Green! Nathan freezes and frowns down at my bubbling laughter. I’m terrified I’m going to sabotage us again, so I clasp a hand over my mouth. At first, he looks uncertain and defeated, but then his frown clears and he smiles. “Rachel Green?” he asks, because of COURSE he’d know what’s happening to me. We’ve watched the whole F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series together multiple times, so he knows when Ross Geller finally gets with his longtime friend Rachel Green, she can’t help but giggle every time he touches her. And I can’t believe it’s happening to me now.

Nathan’s lips peel off of mine, and it physically hurts to have to say goodbye to them. I think I whimper, and he chuckles pleasantly and kisses my cheek.

“Hey,” Nathan says, breaking through my thoughts and pushing my sticky wet hairs back from my face. “Are you happy, Bree?” His eyes trace the line of my mouth. I don’t know what this moment is exactly, but it feels important. My heart trembles. “Very. Are you?” My gaze darts to his mouth and back up. “Right now? Yes. I’m always happy when I’m with you.”

“I’m fine, Nathan! Just look away for a second!” “Why?” His voice is tender, which only heightens my emotional state. I cover my face with my hands. “So I can cry like a little baby.” He doesn’t laugh, but he does smile softly. He takes my face in his hands and forces my leaking eyes to meet his. “Bree, you can always cry with me.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. Because…I like your soul.”

“Your soul is my favorite in this entire world,” he replies quietly,

I understand what the playoffs are like.” “But I don’t want to be too busy for you.” My fragile little paper airplane heart gets launched into the sky. “I’ll still be here when playoffs are done.”

I hold on tighter. “You can always cry with me, Nathan. We’re safe with each other.”

“Your ability to shoulder everything, to give 200% of yourself all the time, to be perfect at everything you attempt…these are not the attributes that make you a valuable human being.” I pause. “And they are not why I fell in love with you.”

“I fell in love with you because you’re goofy. You’re fun. Your heart is so big I don’t know how it fits in here,” I say, pressing my hand to his chest. “You’re a terrible singer. You make me soup when I’m sick. You bought me tampons that time I was laid out on the couch with cramps and couldn’t move. You didn’t even send someone else for them. You went yourself!”

“Look, Nathan, I don’t care if you never pick up another football a day in your life, or if no one in the world attaches the word successful to your name ever again.” Now I’m the one dumping tears, and Nathan’s hands have moved to cradle my face. His thumbs dash across my cheekbones. I shake my head lightly and try to swallow down my sob enough to finish speaking. “So don’t say you’re not worthy or deserving, because you are to me. You always will be.”

“I love you too,” he whispers over and over again. “I love you, Bree. I love you. I always have.”

“Will you stay at my place tonight?” he asks,

I get ready to part from him and go into mine for the night like I always do, but he catches my hand, tugging me back around. A bit of water sloshes onto the floor. “Stay with me?” He says those three words not as a demand, but as a defenseless question. A need. A desperate hope.

“Do you see now? You’re always giving me things that remind you of me, but I’m over here stealing things that remind me of you. I’m not humoring you, Bree. I’m not taking this lightly. I’m so devastatingly in love with you, it hurts sometimes—and I have been since high school.”

“I’ve been dying for you to love me back—but I never thought you would. Remember when you found out I’m celibate and I told you it was to help my game? That was a complete lie. I’ve been celibate because I am so gone for you I couldn’t even stomach the thought of another woman anywhere near my bed. She would never be you.” He cradles my face. “I love you with everything I am, and that’s never going to change for me. I think I should be the one making sure you’re not just humoring me.”

I can’t take the space between us anymore. I rise up on my toes to lay one soft kiss on his lips, feeling like this has to be a dream and I can do anything I want in my dreams. “I’ve loved you since the day you tied my shoe on th...

His massive shoulders rise and fall in one huge breath, and then his eyes shut like he’s in pain. “Do you mean to tell me…we’ve both loved each other all this time and never said anything?” I laugh even though it’s not funny at all. I run a finger over one of his eyebrows. “Yes. I think so.”

His hand tenderly cradles my face. “I never would have felt that way. I’ve always just wanted to be the one to take care of you.”

He dips his head and sighs against my throat. “Well, hear me now: I adore you, Bree. When you’re happy or sad, I love you.” Nathan lays a slow, open-mouthed kiss on my neck and climbs up to my mouth.

He gazes into my eyes with a longing smile. “I just want to do things differently with you, Bree.” I breathe in his scent and let my heart steep in it. “Okay. We’ll wait.” I grin up at him and poke him in the cheek. “You’re such a big softie.” “With you, yes.”

“Just don’t spread it around that I’m a marshmallow,” he says in a teasing tone. “It’ll kill my image.” “Which image? The one of you secretly sneaking hundred-dollar bills into my widowed neighbor’s mailbox? Or you buying an entire building so little ballerinas can continue to afford their training?” He kisses the top of my head, and I don’t miss the moment he breathes in the scent of my hair. We’re home in each other’s arms. I nuzzle into his strong chest like a little cat. It is a done deal. I’d marry him in five minutes if that were an option. “It’s all for you, Bree.”

Everything I want is right here in my arms. Drooling.

“I TEACH A CLASS AT TEN THIRTY!” A bit yell-y in the mornings. It’s okay, I’ll still keep her.

Throwing the covers off, she sprints from the bed and out of the room. I stare at the empty doorway until two seconds later I hear footsteps racing back. A flash of octopus hair and limbs is all I see before she tackles me on the bed. Hovering over me, her dimples pop and she kisses me with a punctuated POP. “Good morning. I love you.”

She is strong and fierce in her delicate skin. Life tried to hold her down, but she gave it the middle finger and stood up again. Bree is everything I aspire to be, everything I love, everything I desire. She holds my heart, and, with all that I am, I hope she never gives it back.

Me: Hi hot stuff. We’re in Vegas! Nathan: I thought the day suddenly seemed brighter. Me: Stooooppppp jk it’s so gross and I love it. Keep doing it. Nathan: :) Miss you. Please don’t get drunk and elope with any strange dudes tonight. Me: Gosh you’re so picky.

As I’ve said before, I’m no threat to women in Nathan’s life—until they make him choose. He will choose me every single time, and now that I know why, I fully intend to let that power go to my head. I will protect him just as fiercely as he protects me.

When he’s on the fifty-yard line, he stops and his helmet tilts up. I can feel his eyes on me as if his fingers were trailing across my skin. He smiles for the first time and lifts his arm to wave at me. And then he points. The universal gesture of This is for you, love. I make a goofy face then blow him a kiss. He catches it. Fans turn and zero their laser-beam eyes on me—but all I care about is Nathan.

He drops his helmet at his feet, and then his knee follows suit. All the chaos around us disappears. It’s me and my best friend. And he’s proposing. “Hi, pretty friend,” he tells me, taking my hand in his, which is rough with new calluses and wrapped in medical tape.

“Bree, my best friend, I love you. We haven’t been together very long, but we’ve also been together for years. Will you marry me? Will you let me love you every day from now on? Will you finally move out of your shitty apartment and into mine?” I laugh. “This is all just a ploy to get me away from the mold, isn’t it?” “It’s the only way you’ll allow it.” “You’re so good at loopholes.”

Now, I’m just ready to breathe beside you for a while. Preferably on a beach somewhere.

He points at me like he’s getting ready to toss me the winning catch. “Bree Cheese. Still with me?” Cupping my hands around my mouth, I yell, “Always!”

Then my dad starts walking me down the aisle and I see him. Nathan. My Nathan, my best friend and the love of my life, standing in his black tux, fantastic hair waving artfully away from his face, a tear running down his cheek, and a dazzling smile stretching across his mouth. He is mine. He loves me. He loves me enough to plan an entire surprise wedding of my dreams. How did I get this lucky?