You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters

by Kate Murphy

Value is placed on what you project, not what you absorb.

If people are listening to anything, it’s likely through headphones or earbuds, where they are safe inside their own curated sound bubbles; the soundtracks to the movies that are their walled-off lives.

To really listen is to be moved physically, chemically, emotionally, and intellectually by another person’s narrative.

a perfect blend of science and psychology for an act.

In a culture infused with existential angst and aggressive personal marketing, to be silent is to fall behind. To listen is to miss an opportunity to advance your brand and make your mark.

No psychological concept emphasizes this more than attachment theory.16 It’s the idea that our ability to listen and connect with people as adults is shaped by how well our parents

listened and connected with us as children.

It’s really hard to listen if you have a disorganized attachment style because intimacy can feel scary or frightening.

To listen well is to figure out what’s on someone’s mind and demonstrate that you care enough to want to know. It’s what we all crave; to be understood as a person with thoughts, emotions, and intentions that are unique and valuable and deserving of attention.

Listening is about the experience of being experienced. It’s when someone takes an interest in who you are and what you are doing.