Hating the Boss

by Kristen Granata

You don’t realize how important a person’s laugh is until you’re on a date with someone whose laugh sounds like a dying mongoose.

Men don’t want to fuck a stick. They want something to grip on to. Something to squeeze. Something that bounces and jiggles. You might be embarrassed of your muffin top, but the truth is: A man doesn’t notice what’s between your tits and your pussy when you’re naked and his dick is about to be inside you.

I laugh. “You tell Mommy that she may take your life, but she will never take your diapers!” I take off running down the hallway with Mia right behind me. “Freedom!” “Not helping, Braveheart,” Becca calls.

Why don’t we ever run into our exes when we have our hair and make-up done? It’s like one of the laws of physics: An object that looks like trash shall run into everyone she knows while she looks like trash.