Hating the Boss

by Kristen Granata

I envy the people who stop eating when they’re stressed. I’m an emotional eater. I eat my feelings, and unfortunately, they aren’t fat free. They taste a lot like Ben and Jerry’s.

You don’t realize how important a person’s laugh is until you’re on a date with someone whose laugh sounds like a dying mongoose.

If a guy’s intimidated by a woman’s brain, it means he’s insecure about his own intelligence. Also, he probably has a small pecker.

Holyshitmotherfuckingcocksuckerasscrack.

Principal Fuckwad stayed away from me for the remainder of the day.