Hating the Boss

by Kristen Granata

It took me a while to realize that what I once thought was caring was actually possessive. What I thought was confidence was just condescending.

My mom says that’s how you know something’s wrong: You start downplaying your unhappiness and comparing it to domestic abuse.

I’d reached my breaking point. Now I know why people call it that. You bend so much that you eventually break in half. Two parts: Who you once were, and the angry, resentful person you’ve become.

I envy the people who stop eating when they’re stressed. I’m an emotional eater. I eat my feelings, and unfortunately, they aren’t fat free. They taste a lot like Ben and Jerry’s.

“It’s a gift. A weird gift that serves no purpose or utilizes any real talent.”

You don’t realize how important a person’s laugh is until you’re on a date with someone whose laugh sounds like a dying mongoose.

Resentment will do that to you. It trickles into your blood like a poison, slow at first, until it’s coursing through your veins. It overrides every other feeling you have, making it impossible to see through the blurriness of anger and disappointment.

“Just because it’s common doesn’t make it any less tragic.”

Never again will I be the person I was in that marriage. From this moment on, I’m going to do the things I want to do. Say the things I want to say. And I’m going to take the things I want to have. No apologies. No backing down. I’m going to live the life I want.

If a guy’s intimidated by a woman’s brain, it means he’s insecure about his own intelligence.

Men don’t want to fuck a stick. They want something to grip on to. Something to squeeze. Something that bounces and jiggles. You might be embarrassed of your muffin top, but the truth is: A man doesn’t notice what’s between your tits and your pussy when you’re naked and his dick is about to be inside you.

“You did what we all do in a marriage. We want to please our husbands. We want to give them everything because we love them and we want them to be happy with us. But our husbands are supposed to give back. It’s supposed to be an equal exchange of give and take.”

FYI: Talking to yourself solidifies that everything is not fine.

And to all the boys out there who just witnessed their principal get beat by two girls: Don’t ever underestimate a girl just because she’s a girl.”

“That’s the worst. I’d rather my old man yell at me than say he’s disappointed.”

I might not know why I’m here, but I know one thing for certain: I’ll stay here and hold her for as long as she needs me to.

A woman doesn’t get mad for no reason. She gets mad because a man hurt her.

Why don’t we ever run into our exes when we have our hair and make-up done? It’s like one of the laws of physics: An object that looks like trash shall run into everyone she knows while she looks like trash.

Girls physically cannot keep a secret from their besties. It’s a gene that’s missing from our DNA.

Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so bad?

Your beauty drew me to you, but it was your intelligent mind, your quick wit, and your larger-than-life heart that enraptured me.