A Mage's Guide to Aussie Terrors (R'iyah Family Archives #2)

by A.J. Sherwood

In fact, my mother’s exact words were, ‘Well, son, when you get your head out of your ass, you do it with style.’ My dad high-fived her for it, so he apparently agreed.”

Something’s wrong in Australia.” Bel stared up at him. Glared, really. “Something’s always wrong in Australia.”

“What’s on fire?” “Australia, apparently.”

Sadly, he didn’t know how to charge sanity. Someone somewhere should get on that.

Garen had his eyes open and was moving under his own power, but Nico was not fooled. He’d seen that man sleep while standing up once. Garen could impersonate a functioning adult so well that it was rather scary.

“And use your words, dammit. I just bought you the Samuel L. Jackson voice package. You said you wanted that one.” “Motherfucker,” Mobius chimed in helpfully.

Ladies, gentlemen, and gentlefolk, they finally had the answer. What did it take to tire Nico out to the point he wanted caffeine? Well, you had to take him on an evening date, sex him up, then take him on an international trip that meant sixteen hours on various planes, plus the three hours in a car to get to those planes. In short, you had to keep him up at least thirty-eight hours. And to think, the Army thought putting this man behind a desk forty hours a week was a good idea.

“So…in gaming terms, is this like the final boss of this area?” “I sure as hell hope not. We don’t have a full raiding party.”

“I love how no one at this table is terrified of the gatekeepers of Hell.” “Hey, I’m trying to make friends before I get down there,” Wicky riposted cheerfully.

Where’s Nico and Wicky? fighting Godzilla Is that a metaphor? sadly, no. wicky conjured Godzilla. they’re still on base I choose not to ask more questions. you are wise

“The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch,” Nico growled. Victoria was right there with him. “He’s always been a little bundle of bitch.”

Bel would feel better if Nico killed Spencer, right? Right? He felt good about this decision.

It’d be easy to disappear him. Problem eaten and gone, yeah? Garen gave a slight shake of the head. No. Dammit, don’t be a spoilsport. It’s just a little murder.

Nico’s expression was pure mischief as he told her, “I got this.” Raising his hand to cup his mouth, he called, “Who’s been a useless slacker and hasn’t hit anything?” “FUCK YOU!” Spencer snarled back, popping out from behind the nearby building. He’d apparently been resting in the shade. “Found him.” Nico was the picture of evil satisfaction.

“Can I feel shame?” “No,” Wicky replied. “That’s a bonus action.”

This did not come under the heading of bonk, thereby was not his job.

“I probably did whatever you’re blaming me for, but there’s no need to call me out about it in front of a witness.”

“How is it fine? I still have a spot reserved in Hell for him. A very special place I crafted. I’ll just go grab him. He’s a little ahead of schedule, but it’s fine.” Spencer really was going to be in for it when he died. Bel tried to feel pity for him. Pity? Pity? Yoo-hoo? Damn, he had a runner.