You Only Live Once

by Maxine Morrey

‘You can be terribly annoying at times, you know that too, don’t you?’ ‘I’m your brother. It’s in the contract.’

What I thought I wanted and what I actually needed had been, I realised now, two very different things.

aaaaahhhh :///

There was something reliable about a garden and nature in general.

Even when your life had been shattered, nature’s cycle continued and, at a time I found it hard to discern comfort in anything, I did find some sort of comfort in that.

(not that I was looking at him, obviously).

did he really have to be so good-looking? Life really wasn’t fair sometimes.

there were more laughter lines around his eyes now,

‘You’re not in a mess. Life has a habit of throwing spanners in the works of our carefully laid plans. It’s not necessarily anyone’s fault, and whether they agreed with your choices at the time, the end result is that you made those choices, and now you’re making new ones.

but I suppose it’s never the right time, is it? You always want more time with someone.’

Other people may have our best interests at heart but, in the end, these important decisions have to be our own and we know what feels right.

I know I’ve changed, but there are those who would argue not for the better.’

‘I like to think there’s always something redeemable, even when it looks like all hope is lost.’

‘Lots on my mind, I guess.’

‘You wouldn’t get married?’ ‘Like I say, never say never. I’m just not interested in that aristocratic lifestyle.’

I had my routine, I had my books, and I had my family. That was all I needed.

I wouldn’t – couldn’t – go through that pain ever again.

Sighh

You always seem to have the right words.’ ‘I’m not sure about

when it comes to my family. Tradition, appearances, doing the right thing – that’s all of importance. Whether people are happy or not is way down the list of considerations.’

I’m well aware that you don’t need any more compliments than you already get.’ ‘Who says I get any?’ I almost snorted my champagne.

‘I think we all get caught up like that from time to time until we find out that what we actually need is the opposite of what we’re doing.’

I spoke more at night than I did in the day.’

me 🫡

Do you believe in soulmates?’ ‘I think I do, yes.’ ‘Do you think you only get one per lifetime?’ ‘No. I don’t. And I think they can come in all forms as well. I think you can have platonic soulmates as well as romantic ones.’

we do what we think we should do at the time. It’s easy for others to tell us what they think we should be doing or for us to look back with hindsight, but we don’t have all the information at the time, and we just have to act with what we have.

‘It’s always afterwards you think of all the things you wanted to talk about, or ask, isn’t it?’

‘I guess that’s why, if we really want something, we just have to find a way of getting it, or at least of trying to get it. Then you’re never left with the what if.’

I was inherently interested in people, how they worked and how they thought. My self-imposed isolation had put rather a damper on my ability to do such things and I realised now how much I had missed watching the interaction between others and the inspiration that could be gained from it.

‘And I like you asking. I like talking to you. You don’t judge. You just listen.

‘Do you think I’ve been horribly selfish?’ ‘No,’ Jack said. ‘I don’t. You were devastated and you did what you had to do to try and keep yourself sane. But I do think it’s possible to get into a habit, a rut, which can then be very difficult to get out of, partly because we’re so used to doing things a certain way, and partly because then doing something different can seem overwhelming.’

I thought I had been saving myself from hurt, but the pain of losing Jack, even by my own volition, was still as raw now as the day he’d left. I’d hurt him badly,

‘Loved,’ I said, putting the emphasis on the past tense. ‘I blew that one well and truly. He must love her, anyway. He wouldn’t be marrying her if he didn’t, he wouldn’t hurt her by committing himself to something he didn’t believe in.’