healing for no one but me

by Jennae Cecelia

you do not even know how much the story you are scared to tell could help someone else out of their own isolated hell.

there is only so much healing i can do in this space that does not allow healing at my own pace, and only, “hurry up and just be ok.” they want the polished ending. the version of me who has already figured it out. i would rather take the long way back to myself than be handed a shortcut to someone i no longer am.

yet you still show up. no one calls that brave. but it is.

healing deep wounds is not a matter of time and forgetfulness. it is accepting that those wounds have shaped the story you now carry. and oh what a beautiful story you have turned this pain into.

got a degree in a subject you said i was terrible at. but communication was really something that you lacked.

i am not the half of anything. i am whole even here. even now.

if my “no” disappoints you that’s a feeling you can carry,

so if you need me to shrink any further. to hold my breath so your comfort stays intact. then maybe the kindest thing i can do is hand you the silence of my absence and let you learn what it feels like to lose someone who was willing to stay.