healing for no one but me

by Jennae Cecelia

i used to think every person who entered my life was meant to stay. but some people are chapters, not the whole book.

because endings don’t erase a thing. they just turn the page.

i am healing here. between the silence and the breeze. tending to wounds i have been afraid to see. healing for no one but me.

wanting to be alone, but hating the silence.

it’s the pain that has no bruise. the storm that never quite rains. the question you can’t name. yet you still show up. no one calls that brave. but it is.

there is still so much growing left for me to do. whole gardens inside me that haven’t even seen sunlight yet. i’m learning to water them one morning at a time. no longer ripping the petals open just because someone else is tired of waiting for me to bloom.

i hope today is your day. the sun hits your face just right. your favorite sweater fits the way you like. your hair is what you have always tried to achieve. there is no line in the drive-thru to get your coffee. your skin feels dewy. and someone sends you a message that makes you smile. i hope today you feel the most right you have in a while.

you steal the color from things i used to love.

but you always find a way back

like a song i never wanted on repeat.

i’m still building a life around you, and one day you’ll have no room left to stay.

why was i always sad? why was i always sleeping?

so i’m healing without answers.

but the worst part? there was no goodbye. just two people who once swore they’d never be strangers learning how to live like they already are.

and as for today? maybe this is not where you pictured yourself. maybe you think you are so far from where you want to go. just know that life is always a journey, even when you get to your goal.

my favorite pair of jeans do not fit like they used to and typically that would bother me. but now i am more concerned with forcing a smile that does not fit me.

i can love you and still choose me. i can care deeply and still step back. protecting my peace doesn’t mean i’ve stopped loving it just means i finally learned that love includes me too.

that growth needs quiet.