healing for no one but me

by Jennae Cecelia

you do not even know how much the story you are scared to tell could help someone else out of their own isolated hell.

repeat after me; i am worthy of being here today exactly as i want to be. i do not need to change or mold myself

just to make other people comfortable with me.

picking yourself up out of your own personal hell. no one sees how hard it was except you.

i can just turn it all off and push it away. i do not know what tomorrow holds, but i am taking it day by day. and i think that is more than ok.

i want to feel more alive here

but how will i ever get anywhere new if i do not expand my circle?

i want to come out of this as someone that i do not recognize. finally taking off this disguise. because i am no longer afraid of being my true self for not only me but everyone else.

the past is not here to haunt it is here to remind me that i made it through the times i thought i never would escape.

healing deep wounds is not a matter of time and forgetfulness. it is accepting that those wounds have shaped the story you now carry. and oh what a beautiful story you have turned this pain into.

who is that woman anyways? someone i am slowly meeting day by day. she is getting there

you would not even recognize me now. and i am so proud of that.

i am also the woman that sees art everywhere she goes. my pen always ready to write a story. i will remember the details about you that no one else knows. that is more important, for me.

i hope you know how needed you are.

nothing is the same as what it once was. and while that is scary it is also beautiful.

i am in the wildflower fields searching for peace in the petals and strength in the wind. i know it is coming for me. i know i deserve it.

you are just as important as everyone else.

to the girl i was back then, i am sorry i made you feel like you did not matter. that you were not beautiful. that you did not have the ability to chase your dreams. i am sorry i tore you down any chance i could get. i am sorry that you never felt seen. you deserved so much better than me constantly dressing you in insults. i hope you can forgive me now. we have come so far since then. i can not wait for you to see how.

i am ok with the fact that the girl from my past brought me pain and ache. i am not mad at her. i am grateful she carried me here. there is nothing i would change. the story we wrote together is one i will never try to hide or erase off the page.

you deserve to be loved for who you are and what you believe. you deserve to be loved even if you think you are hard to fully reach. you deserve to be loved like you love but have yet to receive.

and if you showed up knocking at your own door looking on at the person you were once before, would you close it or welcome yourself in? maybe this your chance to give yourself the forgivenss you never did get.

i could not just pick myself up and start over without addressing what was going on beyond just wanting a do over.

today i will not apologize for my beautiful mind and my body that carries me through this life. i am beautifully alive here. i am so important and so wanted. i will not let that be forgotten.