healing for no one but me

by Jennae Cecelia

repeat after me; i am worthy of being here today exactly as i want to be. i do not need to change or mold myself just to make other people comfortable with me.

i am healing here. between the silence and the breeze. tending to wounds i have been afraid to see. healing for no one but me.

just think, one day the puzzle pieces will fall into place and everything will make sense and be ok. and then when life comes and knocks you down. and it will. you will feel pressured to scramble and put the pieces back together and move past the aftermath that came along with it. but picking yourself up and putting things back together does not have to be calculated or rushed. you have done it once before, so you know it will come.

the past is long gone, but sometimes it is a whisper in the wind reminding me that it helped me be who i am today. the good and the bad. the ugly and afraid. the past is not here to haunt it is here to remind me that i made it through the times i thought i never would escape. here i am with a future brand new.

it is ok to be in the dark. in the unknown. in the messy in-between. there is so much good that comes from working on yourself in a place that lacks full clarity.

i have so much growth to be made but i am taking it day by day. not rushing where i need to be in order to make my healing jo...

healing deep wounds is not a matter of time and forgetfulness. it is accepting that those wounds have shaped the story you now carry. and oh what a beautiful story you have turned this pain into.

i hope today is your day. the sun hits your face just right. your favorite t-shirt fits the way you like. your hair is what you have always tried to achieve. there is no line in the drive-thru to get your coffee. your skin feels dewy. and someone sends you a message that makes you smile. i hope today you feel the most right you have in a while.

i like dandelions better than roses. and barefoot walking more than wearing nice shoes. and you told me i am so simple and easy to please. that i can grow from any situation with ease. but really i just have learned i have to be adaptable to all that is around me.

i take brief moments. sit and enjoy the stars and the way the grass moves in the wind. because those are present moments and i need to exist there more.

my hands may never feel the same. today they closed a chapter that caused so much pain. they waved goodbye to a story they thought would never end. here begins a journey of never having to beg to be read again.

nothing is the same as what it once was. and while that is scary it is also beautiful. here i am with the fresh start i always wanted. and yes i do not know where i am going or what is to come. but i will get there one way or another.

i am in the wildflower fields searching for peace in the petals and strength in the wind. i know it is coming for me. i know i deserve it.

i am not the same person i was last year or the year before. and while that might seem scary because people stop recognizing me for who i once was. i remember that who i am changing into now is someone i always dreamed of.

i am so glad that we did not work out. i thought for so long that breathing different air and seeing different places would kill me slowly. and for some time it did. but the longer we breathed separately and did things without the other. i realized you were really suffocating me from all there was to discover.

to the girl i was back then, i am sorry i made you feel like you did not matter. that you were not beautiful. that you did not have the ability to chase your dreams. i am sorry i tore you down any chance i could get. i am sorry that you never felt seen. you deserved so much better than me constantly dressing you in insults. i hope you can forgive me now. we have come so far since then. i can not wait for you to see how.

it is ok. i am so much better now. and i did not need you to do it. i did it on my own somehow. i pulled myself up. i started getting dressed. i went on walks. i treated my mind to the right kind of rest. it is ok. i am so much better now. not that you probably care, but i do. because you used to tell me i could never do better without you.

there is this woman i have in my head that is so much better than the me today. a woman i have been trying to meet. a woman who knows more, is more, has more. a woman that seems so far out of reach. but i am slowly realizing that woman is me screaming out the pieces of myself that i find so hard to see.

this year may bring you eagerness to move quickly and efficiently, but there is beauty on the walk of patience and imperfection.

i was searching for comfort in the most rigid of places and wondering why i could not seem to fit in. but i am meant to follow the breeze and live without strings. letting go of limitations is where it begins.

i am learning how to love my life for its seasons. not wish for my seasons to change faster or before it is time.

you have sunrises to catch ​and dreams to achieve. ​you have a purpose here. ​you matter to me.

what does not make sense now ​will be screaming with certainty ​in the future.

you can ask everyone for advice, but at the end of the day only you know what is best for your life. only you know what direction is right.

you may have a past that is daunting to think about, but here you are with a future that is glowing.

today you may feel hope in the untouched tomorrow. with promises you have plans to meet up with, as optimisim runs through your mind. tonight let us cheers to confidence about life.

not everyone is going to be able to see your vision. we do not all see the world through eyes with the same prescription. it is ok to be the only one rooting for your decision.

there are summertime books about falling in love with someone unexpected. at the beach in a small town with no one around, but somehow there is someone just for you. and these stories make you feel like you will have moments like that too. except the beaches are quiet here and everyone is in a rush. how come the books made it sound like it is that easy to fall in love?

there is so much more to me now than you will ever find out on my social media page. sorry it is hard to know the nitty gritty details about me if you are lurking. i no longer feel the need to share every detail online. i can make breakfast without posting a picture. get coffee with a friend and just enjoy the moment together. see a bright full moon or a beautiful sunrise and not reach for my phone- just look at the sky. there is so much more to me now than you will ever find out on my social media page. i no longer feel the need to show up with every detail of me in hopes you would see it and feel like you were missing out on so much.