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do not allow myself to be any more than in the middle because losing people does not hurt as bad if you do not fully let them in.
i am so glad that we did not work out. i thought for so long that breathing different air and seeing different places would kill me slowly. and for some time it did. but the longer we breathed separately and did things without the other. i realized you were really suffocating me from all there was to discover.
you told me that i wore such a beautiful smile. little did you know i was putting on an outfit that had not fit me in awhile. one that was a little uncomfortable and had to be forced on each day. the color was not even close to my favorite shade. but i kept wearing that smile because everyone told me how beautiful it made me.
if you knew me before five years ago and not anymore, you do not really know the me now. you have met me. you have interacted with me. but only a me that is just a ghost to the me today. who you think you know is so far away.
and now i was left with the fact that i could not just pick myself up and start over without addressing what was going on beyond just wanting a do over.
