Nora Goes Off Script

by Annabel Monaghan

I distinctly remember hearing Ben use the word “shed” when we walked into it, and I ignored him the way you do when you’re trying to stay married.

Pink ribbons, then orange creep up behind the wide-armed oak tree at the end of my lawn. The sun rises behind it differently every day. Some days it’s a solid bar of sherbet that rolls up like movie credits and fills the sky. Some days the light dapples through the leaves in a muted gray.

The kitchen is still a mess from breakfast, and it occurs to me that Leo Vance has seen my pancake spatter and has smelled my bacon grease. I’m mildly agitated that he’s been in here as I start to clean. There will have to be boundaries of some sort. I don’t want to walk in here tomorrow and find him smoldering at my dishwasher.

You never forget your first red flag.

This annoys me, and I know that’s petty.

Tell him to fuck off

Like, it feels good to choose a towel color, decide which bananas look good.”

I think our whole marriage was about me trying to make him glad he picked me.

I have a husband who doesn’t work and tears through money like he’s printing it, I’d thought. Yes. I’ll always be broke.

I am aware that this sparkly scene is a fantasy, but I let myself enjoy it. Smiling children and the promise of fine wine with a terrifyingly attractive man.

“This morning I woke up worried about Arthur. It was the strangest feeling to want something so much for someone else. You’re really lucky.”

Arthur sits a little taller than usual, his quiet uncertainty morphing into quiet confidence. It hasn’t been the role in the play, I realize, it’s been the attention and interest Leo’s shown him. I think Arthur feels supported.

And my kids, they adore him. I can’t decide if it’s healthy for my kids to know what it’s like to have a man around who is interested in their lives, or if it’s just going to make the pain they feel about Ben worse when Leo leaves.

I love that buried deep in that sentence is a hint of the future tense.

“I’m serious. The Tea House got me out of debt. When you’ve been in a lot of debt, having no debt feels pretty rich. This isn’t going to be the movie where the heroine has to sell the farm.” “Thank God. I like the farm.”

“No, my friend, you are in love. We just don’t see what the happy ending looks like yet.” She puts her arm around me and gives me a squeeze.

Don’t be an entrepreneur if you don’t want to work at it. Don’t belittle your kids if you want them to love you.

“Just do me a favor. Let me answer the door if he ever knocks,” Leo says.

I sometimes forget life’s not a movie.

The basic truth of parenting fills my heart: If your kids are okay, you don’t really have any problems. I will relish this feeling.

I feel uniquely powerless, as if the entirety of my happiness lies in someone else’s hands.

“Careful,” he says. “She’ll break your heart.”

Asshole

I’m going to France. I’m going to take a full month off to read and eat delicious things.”

“Love isn’t something you need to earn. Dad left because of Dad, not us.”

“And every morning I was picturing you here with Ben. Ben in my spot, saying stupid stuff about things he’d never do. Ben putting you down. Ben in your bed. I was so angry.”

Surely he would check with her first and not assume the kid was right

“Are you Mr. Vance’s family?” He has a picnic lunch ready to be laid out. “Yes,” Arthur says before I can.

“There’s a part for Arthur in a film I’m thinking about doing in the fall. He’d play my son.” “Where?” “England.”