What is going on? What am I doing? Questions like these must have been among my first conscious thoughts. If I tried to speak them to anyone, I’m sure what I heard back were directives to “be good,” “work hard,” “smile,” and “don’t get caught.” If others didn’t share my horror, or at least consternation, I couldn’t understand why not, because we were all subject to the same capricious laws of existence, the same evidence for irrational forces. If they did share it, I was amazed and repulsed by their willingness nonetheless to fritter away their lives acquiring things, planning parties,
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