Then he was on the bed again, clean, calm, near naked, uselessly alert at 3 a.m. He could no longer blame alcohol and he was in no mood for reading. He wanted to give himself a good talking to. Plan your life! You cannot continue to meander. Assume she is not coming back. Correct. Then what? Then … Whenever he reached this point there lay like a fog across his future the quotidian struggle with parenting and fatigue. There could be no conceivable plan, no uplift, when all he could do was stay close to the ground, keep going, keep Lawrence going, keep tending him and playing with him and taking
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