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When I woke up this morning, I was certain I’d be bringing Hanna back here. I had made this bed imagining that I’d be throwing her on it later. I had dreamed of this moment, not because there was something binding about being husband and wife, but the opposite. It was freeing to me, knowing I could fully be myself with her.
“Come on, come on, let’s get it out of the way.” Kalma exhales, staring down as he moves the books around on the table. “I think she is the Goddess of Death now, and the Queen of Tuonela. What you do in your relationship with your wife is none of my business.” He pauses, shooting me a dark glance. “However, as someone who now answers to this queen as much as I answer to you, I will request that you treat her with a little more dignity.”
“Mortals have the mistaken belief that they move into the future,” he explains. “That is not true at all. The future moves into you. That is how manifesting works. There are an infinite number of futures and possibilities out there for you. Time passes through you, it moves past you. You stay still. Whatever energy you put forward is what will align with a future with that same energy, and that is the future you will attract.”
All I have now is to live a whole new reality in a whole new world, and so far nothing is happening to me by my choice.” “You are wrong,” he says simply. “You chose to give up your life in exchange for your father. You chose to come to Tuonela in the first place. You didn’t have to listen to Rasmus, you could have turned and gone home but you didn’t. You aren’t passive. You have been making choices this whole time. It’s time to own those choices, Hanna.”
“Take comfort in knowing that you already have all the answers. Have faith in that. It is a fatal human flaw to want everything now and all at once, and not realize everything is happening now and all at once. It is always now.”
I smile lazily at him. “I bet you thought you’d tried everything.” “I truly did. To know that life can offer you something new as a God…is something else.” Even though my body is completely wrecked from what we just did, excitement drums in my chest. “Want another surprise that will rock your world?” The corner of his mouth quirks up. “Hanna, I never thought I would ever say this, but at the moment, I’m a little tired.”
“No,” he says. He brings my hand up to his lips. “I’m not mad, little bird. I’m impressed. I’m more than impressed…I’m in awe of you.”
I grab onto his glove, stopping him. “Are you serious? Is this a toss Hanna into the sea and see if she’ll drown, similar to toss Hanna into—” “I know what you’re going to say, you don’t have to say it.” “—into the oubliette?”
Yet, part of me wants to take Hanna there. Even if the ship has deteriorated, we could make a home on the white sand beaches. She would love the place, it would make her feel at home, and I would be happy because she’s happy. I would be happy because she’s happy.
Hanna is out of breath by the time she finishes talking. “Nice speech. Are you done?” “Tuoni,” she says in a warning voice. That’s not a good sign. That’s the first time she’s used my name in that tone before.
Is that what love is? Is it a bird in your chest, trying to break free?
