Better Than Fiction

by Alexa Martin

Maybe it’s another of my never-ending list of issues stemming from my childhood, but I don’t want to watch someone get saved. I want to watch them save themselves. I want to know they can live a fulfilling life with or without a love interest.

“I’d love a drink.” He takes my hand again, but before we start walking to the bar, he pulls me against his chest, dropping his head to mine. “But I want to kiss you more.”

“I promise this is going to be fun. You’ve spoiled me with a concert and trip to the festival; it’s my turn to give you an experience you won’t forget.” “You don’t need to try hard for that.” He leans in closer, looking at me over the rims of his glasses and giving me the perfect view of the way his eyes sparkle from the reflection of the sun and the water hitting them. “Every time I’m with you is an experience I won’t forget.” My heart spasms in my chest. It’s times like these when I wonder if this is all too good to be true. If this is the real Jasper and not some character he’s portraying. I don’t know how somebody could possibly be this perfect. How he can make me feel the way he does. I want to figure out a way to hold on to him forever.

I knew today was going to be fun, but I wasn’t prepared for it to make me feel as close to Jasper as it did. I let my eyelids fall shut, trying as hard as I can to preserve this moment for the rest of my life. It was the perfect day and it’s not even over yet.

“You worry about your car. I have this part covered.” I think about arguing some more, but for once, I don’t. One of the things that I love most about my relationship with Jasper is that it feels even. I don’t feel as though I need to prove myself to him. He’s never made me feel as though I owe him anything and it’s the first time in maybe forever that I feel safe enough to simply say thank you. So I do. “Thank you.”

“I write dreams, but never, not in my wildest imagination, could I have dreamt up anything better than having you naked underneath me.” His words send shock waves through my body. “You’re everything I never thought I could have. And I’m never going to let you go.” I want to tell him I want that. That I never want him to let go. That I could lie here with him, savoring the sound of his voice and the feel of his breath against the shell of my ear, for eternity. But then he gives me more. So much more.

His hands are frantic. Moving down my hips, one going beneath me, his fingernails digging into the flesh of my ass as the other doesn’t falter before finding the wetness between my thighs. He doesn’t miss as he deftly draws circles around the bundle of nerves currently in control of my entire body. I tangle my fingers into the strands of his thick, wavy hair. My fingers tense against his scalp as I pull his head back, needing him to see me. Needing him to witness the way he makes me completely undone. “Oh my,” I rasp as the pressure between my legs begins to build. “I’m going to—” Jasper’s hand disappears and he cuts me off before I can finish . . . in every way imaginable. “Oh no you don’t.” But before I can even cry out in frustration, his mouth replaces his hand and the sound dies in my throat. I don’t know when the last time I’ve felt anything like this was. I’m used to casual and meaningless. Easy and fast. But this? This is anything but. It’s intimate and beautiful. Deliberate and monumental. With a curve of his lips and dip of his tongue, Jasper exposes a piece of myself that I’ve been fighting for years to keep hidden. Laid out beneath him, I feel something I’ve never felt before. For once, I’m not worried about what’s coming next or how to protect myself from the pain tomorrow might bring. In this moment, I can accept that things are good and for the first time in a really long time, I’m safe.

“Eyes on me, Drew,” he rasps, his voice deep and thick, before his mouth is between my legs. I do as he says, our eyes locked together as Jasper watches. He toys with me. Switching between fast and slow, gentle and hard, until it doesn’t matter anymore. “Jasper.” His name is a moan and no matter how hard I try to keep them open, my eyes flutter shut. Pressure begins to build low in my belly and anticipation tingles up my spine. The sound of my breathing melds with my mews of pleasure as my back arches off the bed, as the sensation builds and builds until it finally explodes. The black behind my eyelids turns fuzzy and my lungs freeze, trapping my scream in the back of my throat as remnants of my orgasm ricochet until every nerve ending in my body is lit up. Jasper never loosens his grip on me. He holds me tight, eating me as he draws out every last tremor until my body goes limp.

“My turn to play now.” I climb on top, straddling his hips and resting my hands on his chest for leverage before lowering myself onto him. Ever so slowly, I slide down, my eyes closing as I take him in one inch at a time. I don’t rush it; I let my body expand as I take my fill of him. “Jesus, Drew.” His breathing is labored as his hands find my breasts. “Nothing in the world better than this. Feeling you. Watching you take me. Best in the fucking world.”

I like Jasper. I more than like him. And it’s time I stop being afraid of it coming to an end and do whatever I can to make sure that never happens.

“I don’t even remember when Gran bought the Book Nook; I just know I can’t remember a time in my life when this building wasn’t part of it. This is where I came every day after school until I was in high school. I spent weekends here helping Gran when business started picking up. I hung up streamers and spent hours assembling balloon arches decorating the nook for the surprise birthday party we threw her when she turned seventy. Gran loved it here. The Book Nook was a huge part of her life and nearly all my memories of her take place within these walls. My dad isn’t in a single one.”

I’ve battled so hard to ignore the pain, trying to patch up the gaping hole losing my grandma left in my life, that I didn’t realize I was only feeding the hurt. Even though I feel like I’m being ripped in half, something deep down inside starts to mend. And for the first time in a year, I feel a hope that while I know the pain will never go away, I might be able to walk with it instead of struggling against it.

“Thank you,” I whisper into the darkness. “I’m sorry you had to see that, but thank you.” “Don’t ever apologize for that, Drew.” His long fingers flex into the softness of my hip. “Thank you for feeling safe enough with me to allow me to be here for you.” I didn’t think it was possible for my body to produce another tear, but at least this time, the tears don’t fall from sadness. I roll from his grip, turning so we’re facing each other. “Thank you for staying.” “I’m not sure you’ve realized this yet, but I really like you, Drew.” The faint light from outside my window filters in through the small crack in my curtains, just enough so I can see the shadows and lines of Jasper’s face soften. “I always want to stay with you.” “Careful.” I bring my hand to the side of his face. “Those are the kinds of things a man says to make a woman think they’re in a relationship.” “I know.” He pushes his cheek into my palm, a slow and lazy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Is it working? Because there’s nothing I want more than to be able to call you mine and me yours.”

“From the stories Drew has told me about you, I don’t doubt that for a second.” Some of the mischief behind Elsie’s eyes disappears and they go soft at the corners. In that moment, I have no idea why I was ever worried in the first place about going on a date night with Jasper and my best friend. Instead, my imagination takes flight as I picture a future where I join Elsie and Brandon for date nights with a man I adore at my side. It’s a fantasy I never allowed myself to have. But like everything with Jasper, he’s allowed me to envision a life I never thought was a possibility before. And now it’s all I want.

“Your book bucket list, or whatever it was, was fun. I’ve had fun going out and showing you around. I can admit that I got lost in it too. But the truth is, we’re two completely different people. You live your life with your head in the clouds, where a happily ever after is a viable option. Not all of us have that privilege . . . I don’t have that privilege. I can’t disappoint my grandma the second something exciting comes along.” I’ve been too busy enjoying myself to accept that there’s no way something like this could last. We’re too different. But now that I know, I can’t keep pretending I don’t.

“I know she would be okay with you selling it because I’m the one who gave her Connor’s number.”

Everything was going too well. I should’ve known better. Some people are meant for happy, while others are meant to merely exist.

I thought I had a chance for things to be good. But I’ll be okay. I’m always okay. One day I’ll forget all about this. Sure, it might take a while. Months. Years. Maybe even decades. But one day in the future, I won’t even remember what it was like to almost have it all.

She didn’t want you to have the Book Nook to continue her legacy—you were her legacy. She wanted you to have the store in order to take care of yourself so you could live out your dreams like she lived out hers. Alice Young adored you in a way that I will never forget and I really hope you never do either.” Well, if I wasn’t already crying, I would be now. Because this man, this stranger, reminded me of what I’d somehow forgotten. I buried my pain in the work. I tried to hold on to the memory of my grandma through a place, when that building was never what made my time there special. It was her. And it still is. “Thank you.” It’s not enough for all he’s given me, but it’s all I have. Well, that and one hundred and twenty dollars, because long after she was gone, Gran is still making sure I’m winning.

No matter how you spin it, he lied to me and that’s fucked-up. However, I’m over it now. And I miss him. A lot. Beyond the thoughtful dates, good kissing, and better sex, I loved talking to him. He laughed at all my jokes and seemed really, authentically interested in what I had to say. So many times over the course of my life, I’ve felt like the people around me didn’t see me.

And herein lies the major problem. I am stubborn to a fault and Jasper is kind to a fault.

“I should’ve told you that I knew Alice. That was my plan when I first walked into the Book Nook. I was going to tell you I knew her and give you my condolences.” He stops, not aware of anyone around us, and he reaches for my hands—a question in his cautious movement that I answer when I touch my palms to his. A small smile pulls at his lips, but I hardly notice it when I see his eyes shimmer with tears, relief so stark across his face that everyone around us lets out a collective sigh. “But then I saw you,” he continues, and now I’m the one who wants to cry. “And I forgot everything other than I wanted to get to know you. Other than . . . I wanted to be your hero.” “Jasper, I didn’t need you to save me.” I shake my head, because that was part of the problem. “I can take care of myself. I just needed you to stand by my side, supporting me as I figure things out.”

“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known. You’re smart, talented, adventurous, and heartbreakingly beautiful. You push me to do things I never thought I could do, and nobody makes me laugh harder. And”—he tightens his grip on my hands—“I love you.”

Who would’ve thought that I, of all people, would end up with a love that’s even better than fiction? Talk about a plot twist.

“I can’t wait to spend this time with you.” His lips graze across my forehead. I’m so focused on him and the way his eyes darken as his voice drops with his confession that I don’t even notice the way he mindlessly pats the pocket of his coat as if he’s making sure something very important is still tucked safe and sound inside. “I’ve never been happier and I feel very lucky that I get to be the person by your side. Hopefully forever.” “Definitely forever.”