You'll Come Back to Yourself

by Michaela Angemeer

i will put you in a support group with all the men that came before you just know that when your throat is dry they are not the kind to bring you water don’t count on hands holding you up these palms are distracted and looking for someone else to hold i will put you in a support group you could make an acronym with your names design t-shirts laugh at the words i wrote about you put the puzzle pieces together if you can’t figure out who i belonged to at which point in time i will put you in a support group you could meet every thursday eat stale doughnuts try to forget about me but none of these men ever show up on time and you always left early

i have been let down by men so many times there is no disappointment left for you

i knew everything about who i wanted you to be and nothing about who you really were

since you left i got worse at parallel parking but i can drink coffee black without making a face i learned that it’s possible to not kill plants and that i look best in the mornings wearing olive green i’ve figured out how to ask for what i want to yell when i’m being talked over that i can make people feel things they’ve been ignoring just by being honest if i’m being honest i still let myself think of you once a day and i will keep asking even if you never hear me can you let go of someone without forgetting how they made you feel?

when he says that he’s scared of hurting you it’s not empathy, it’s a warning

i thought i would have a lifetime to be in love with you it ended in a second

if you fall in love with someone’s potential you will break your own heart

Felt

i held my breath waiting for you turns out i don’t need you i just need room to breathe

"healing here for no one but me"

i’m sorry you were afraid of my kind of love

your roots will always show you the importance of holding on to what grounds you but don’t ignore the lessons the leaves are trying to teach you

i have let go of you more than one thousand times still you are a wave always crashing back into me i will keep floating i will keep letting go i will keep hoping that this time is the last

shh don’t say a word i’m here to project all my expectations onto you

some loves are not rational. they are simply impractical. they are not forever loves. they are fleeting moments. outstretched hands. a kiss on the cheek on tippy toes. they are falling asleep with the tv on, shoulders touch- ing. they are voicemails that will never be listened to. a message that will never be read. but the great loves are not the only ones that help you grow. the little loves teach us how to love without expectation. the little loves teach us how to live a life filled with the love we deserve.

i don’t want to get out of the water i have grown accustomed to being consumed by you and even though the moon tells me it’s time i don’t think i’ll ever be able to walk on land again

i can’t explain where all my love for you came from it’s as if we once raised a child baby fingers gripping pinkies or died together on a bed of dandelions it’s as if i were the moon and you were the sun always convincing each other the next day was worth rising for and when i was too caught up in being the ocean you never forgot to remind me what your earth felt like i don’t know if we’ll finally collide in this century but i am certain i have loved you in more than a thousand different lifetimes

you can have all of me or nothing at all choose

instead of treating people like possessions i’m trying to treat them like just-mine-for-a-while a borrowed suitcase or a hand-me-down sweater i never know when i’ll have to give you back and you cannot be mine if you belong to someone else

if he’s afraid to fully fall in love with you save your time and love yourself instead

not everyone deserves to hold your heart in their hands

when we first met light reflected between the two of us laughter bonded our souls oh, what a warm, easy love things were so simple when we didn’t know what was in store for us if only i could have lived in the clouds forever with your lightning eyes and raindrop lips it’s too bad gravity took hold of us because your heart is the only place that has ever felt like home

you deserve a call me anytime love. a pick you up from the airport love. a love note on napkins kind of love. a chicken noodle soup for sore throats kind of love. a back rub before bed kind of love. a laughs at your bad jokes kind of love. a reminder to get up ten minutes earlier because it snowed and you’re going to have to clean off your car kind of love. a clean off your car for you kind of love. a bring you cheesecake when you have cramps kind of love. a listening love. a love that takes care of you. a love that sees your messy hair, your morning breath, your spiralling mind, your no sleep crankiness, a love that loves you more because of it. you deserve a requited love. a love that lasts.

you don’t have to ignore all the things that you’re sad about

what does it mean to feel like yourself

i like to use the version of men that only exists in my head to fill the holes where otherwise i feel nothing

all you need to do is take one step forward your heart is growing stronger every day you contain multitudes of love

give yourself time to let him go it will happen slowly, then all at once

this one

my darling baby girl– don’t you know that you are a star in a beautiful galaxy the moon will always wait for you she’s ready to teach you that you can learn to feel connected even when you are alone

and just like the new moon you will rebuild you will become whole again

remember, you are infinite with or without him

he may have felt like home but he’ll never keep you warm at night

nobody is worth letting go of your self worth

i’m learning that you can share yourself without losing pieces of you

when i stopped looking for love in someone else i found love within myself

whatever’s weighing on your heart baby, let it go it’s ok to just be happy

when is the last time you told yourself you are enough

i am the only one who can complete myself

he can’t crawl his way back into your life if you’re living and loving above ground

i don’t need a love that sweeps me off my feet i need a love that tends to my roots

you’ll find someone new and someone new will find you

start opening up your heart to people who are good for it