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“Right? I’ve been beside myself with excitement for the past ninety minutes, wondering what part of the screen you’d tap next. Upper right, I’d think, but no, you’d go for the lower right, and I’d be all like, wow, I did not see that coming.” “Gripping stuff,”
I glared. “First, well done. Second, I’m annoyed at you for making it look so easy.” “Yeah, well, you annoy me for being able to experience the sun and the wind as more than just pressure and temperature differentials.” I let my face soften. “Really?” “Pfft. No. They’re just pressure and temperature differentials.” “You’re being a bit of a tool, bird.” “Hurtful but fair, boss.”
“I know you hate this sort of thing, so I wanted to do what I could to help you enjoy it.” “By getting me drunk?” “And taking advantage of you, yes,”
I believed in the abilities of my engineers. They considered optimization of everything we had to be the holy grail of our purpose—and performance.
“Which is a little disconcerting, if you think about it. They just fired at least a million bonds of ordnance without batting an eye.” I nodded. “And just because we asked them for help. I mean, I’m all for good customer service, but I kinda think it should be measured in client satisfaction, not kilotons.”
Charm was like any other weapon. If you didn’t have a defense against it, you could wind up dead.
“I can dig.” “You can… dig? But you’re a bird.” “No, I’m a bird-shaped mechanical construct. If I was a bird, I’d be dumb and loud, and I’d spend all my time shitting on things.”
When you have a firefight, you don’t screw around, do you?” “Well, I did try sweet-talking them, but it didn’t work. They spurned my advances.”
I was a weapon now. And soon, I would be playing god.
Is there no time that a boner joke is inappropriate?” Perry asked. “I can’t think of one.”
Programmers think they’re careful, designers think they’re thorough, and guys like me think it’s a national holiday when we see layers of security piled in one easy-access point.
