Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

by Becky Kennedy

Some other examples of boundaries: “I won’t let you hit your brother” as you walk between your daughter and her brother and position your body in a way so the hitting doesn’t happen again. “I won’t let you run with scissors” as you place your hands around your child’s hips so that movement isn’t possible. “Screen time is over now, I’m going to turn off the TV.” You turn off the TV and place the remote somewhere it cannot be reached by your child. Here are examples of not boundaries, but instead ways we essentially ask our kids to do our jobs for us. In these scenarios, despite our attempts to shut down a behavior, it usually escalates further—not because our kids “don’t listen,” but because their bodies feel a lack of containment. The absence of a sturdy adult keeping them safe is more dysregulating to them than the original issue. “Please stop hitting your brother!” “Stop running! I said to stop running! If you keep running with those scissors, you’re not going to get dessert!” “Didn’t we say you’d be done after this show? Can’t we be done? Why do you have to make this so hard?”