Overall, the key is to take ownership and tell your kids that they aren’t responsible for causing your feelings or fixing your reactions. When kids are alone with tough feelings, they turn to self-blame (“I’m a bad kid”) and self-doubt (“Maybe I overreacted? Maybe that wasn’t a yell? Maybe this is how I should just expect to be treated by others?”); when we repair, we ensure that kids don’t default to these explanations, which helps to preserve their confidence and sense of safety in the world. And remember: nothing feels as awful to kids as the painful feelings they are left alone with;
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